Being drunk no excuse to sleep with ex on holiday

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/02/2018 (3116 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just came back from a holiday in the sun, and my boyfriend and I have broken up over what happened down there. When we were there, he did the unthinkable. We had gotten separate rooms with two keys each because he snores like a freight train when he drinks and likes a room by the pool. I like quietness for sleep, far away from the noise.

We always drink freely when we’re on holidays and are not driving. It turns out one of his old girlfriends (he’s had lots of them) was staying at the same hotel with some girlfriends of hers. I went to bed early one night and he stayed out. I trusted him.

I went out to pick him up for breakfast the next morning. I had the extra key to his room. I knocked and opened the door, and saw that no one had slept in the bed. I decided to wait. An hour later he shows up outside his door and I hear a woman saying goodbye to him and some fooling around against the door and giggling. As he put the key in the lock, they kind of fell in, and I saw this old girlfriend in her bikini with a towel. She turned red, asked me not to hit her and ran away. I pulled him into the room and dumped him on his butt, right there and then.

I thought he had changed since his old days as a sleep-around party guy. He’s 31 now. I thought we might get married. He swears it happened because he was too drunk to stop it and she forced herself on him. What do you think? Should I accept this? I do love the idiot and he says he loves me. He’s devastated and calling and apologizing, and saying it’s me he loves, but I’m too upset to talk to him.

— Feel Myself Weakening, Osborne Village

Dear Feel Myself Weakening: Because he was drinking, it was OK that he slept with another woman? Puh-lease! Try to remember the feeling you had when you saw him and an old girlfriend having a goodbye mash after a night of sex. That’s what your life will be like if you marry this guy. He lacks the cheating taboo in his brain makeup. You may just be a drunkard’s dream if you weaken and taken him back.

“I did it because I was drunk” means he doesn’t feel personal responsibility or any real guilt. Therefore, there’s no hesitation when he gets carried away with lust when you’re out of sight. This is not the kind of guy you marry. Your life will be filled with doubt, worry and heartbreak and possibly sexually transmitted diseases. Give your head a shake. Surely you can do better than this for a marriage partner.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a big problem with my boss. We’re both women and I’m falling in love with her. I know she’s bisexual because it came out in conversation one day, but she’s dating a guy right now. She is everything I could ever want in a partner. I find myself becoming less and less interested in my own partner right now and spend a lot of time at work, and away from work, daydreaming about my boss. When we are working late and alone together, I just want to touch her. What now?

— Tempted on a Daily Basis, Industrial Park

Dear Tempted on a Daily Basis: Don’t do anything. Your job is already in jeopardy just by thinking this way and allowing yourself to daydream and then feel increasingly tempted to cross that invisible line. People can often sense such things when they’re in close contact with another individual, so she may already know you have a crush on her.

In life, we simply can’t have everything we want. This is your boss and you can’t have her. Also, she has a partner and people need to respect those situations. Yes, you’re tempted to hint or touch or confess your hot feelings, but you can’t do any of those things and keep your job, or your pride, when she tells you to get your hands off her and pack up your desk.

What you can do is get more social outside of work and spend more time with your own partner. Relationships deepen the more time you invest in doing things together, talking about things that matter and showing your love emotionally and sexually. Increase your investment with your mate, and decrease your time and emotional investment with your boss at work. It can be done, but first you have to give up on the fantasy. We are much less helpless than it is convenient to think in relationship situations.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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