Stage of life more important than age

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This article was published 09/02/2018 (3115 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have met a man almost 10 years younger than me (I am 34). I didn’t know there was such an age difference. He has a career in the science world, his own condo, a nice car and a lot of confidence and maturity. He asked me out for dinner at a beautiful restaurant and had great manners. I thought he was in his late 20s for sure, which is not such a difference.

When he was gone to the bathroom, he left his wallet behind and I peeked at his age. It was shocking! When he came back, I got the age question into the conversation by asking: “How old do you think I am?” and he said he thought I was in my late 20s. So we met in the middle, both thinking we were about the same age. He doesn’t know I’m 34. Does age matter? — Slight Problem Here, Tuxedo

Dear Slight Problem Here: Age doesn’t matter, but “stage” does. You are both seeing each other as much the same age, but are you feeling the same kind of desire for a serious or not-so-serious relationship? Lots of women in their 30s hear the biological clock ticking and don’t want to waste too much time on a guy who isn’t interested in marriage and family.

Some young men, who are mature, are OK with serious love. Others want another five to 10 years of freedom, travel and romances. You need to steer the conversation around to what kind of relationship you’re both looking for these days.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is expecting an engagement ring this Valentine’s Day and she’s not getting one. She’s going to be let down and hurt, and will possibly dump me. She thinks Feb. 14, 2018, is the big day her life will change. She keeps throwing these big hints, makes carat jokes near the carrots at the supermarket and says words with “cut” and “clarity” in them when she’s near a sparkly window.

She wouldn’t be doing that if she wasn’t so sure her diamond wish will be fulfilled.

I won this sweet princess from her ex-boyfriend, who was a cheating jerk. I was her best male friend and had to sit down and finally tell her about the two women he was seeing behind her back. She was ballsy enough to check him out, like a detective, and see I was not lying. She was decimated when she learned the truth. She was deeply in love with him and thought they would get married.

She and I get along great, but now I think she wants to get me up to the marriage mark where she was headed with her previous boyfriend. We have been good friends a long time and are dynamite in bed, but she comes with problems: she isn’t good with money and her parents are wacky.

Worst of all, I’m not 100 per cent sure I’m more than just a stand-in for her ex. She was head-over-heels for him. She loves me, but I’m not sure if it’s friend-and-sex partner or if she sees me as her dream husband. I kind of doubt it. I need more than half a year to tell. How and when do I set off this bomb? — Scared To Tell Her, Winnipeg

Dear Scared to Tell Her: It would be best to tell her today, not Valentine’s Day, that you’re not ready to be engaged, and that you need more time together to see how it goes.

You might even tell her you have some concerns about standing in for the old boyfriend and see what she says.

It would definitely not be the time to tell her she needs to make a budget and stick to it.

As for her parents being crazy, they will stay that way. Can you stand up and deal with them? (They will also be the grandparents to your children.)

Stress how much you love your girlfriend and list her great characteristics, but say it’s just too soon.

If she hears your declaration of love-but-no-ring and dumps you on your head — and can actually walk away and stay away — it may be that you were the stand-in.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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