Taking partner for granted never recipe for success

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/02/2018 (3155 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Readers: It’s Valentine’s Day and some of you may be wondering, “To bother or not to bother?” After all, a card is just a piece of paper and a flower will wilt in a week. Well, here’s Miss L’s advice: bother! And that goes for certain women who sometimes act as if it’s all up to the guy on Valentine’s Day to show his gratitude for all they do for him.

Because I deal with so many lonely hearts, I know there’s no guarantee a partner will put up with being taken for granted forever. And you have no control over who else might be attracted to your mate and who might be giving him or her little gifts or tokens, perhaps completely unsolicited, but noticed all the same, particularly if you give them nothing.

There are some couples who agree that Valentine’s Day is silly and not to be noticed. Frankly, I have seen too many people get pushed into taking this position by a mate who won’t be giving anything to his or her partner, no matter what. People, it’s so easy to please the person you love if you take 20 minutes to buy, or even make, a little something for the one you love — so do it happily and be glad you did.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend dumped me for being a jerk and told me she wanted to date someone else. She was crazy about me in the beginning and literally chased the pants off me. I had the idea she would love me no matter what, so I was not the best boyfriend. I did fall, bit by bit, in love with her, but I still thought I could get everything without paying. Eventually, she became best friends with another guy because I was so often not there for her.

In December, they went Christmas shopping together and then for drinks and dinner. I took no notice. He would pick her up from work on freezing cold days because she doesn’t have a car. That guy was at the end of a phone call anytime she needed help or a friend. I was not. Frankly, I thought he was a sucker. I knew he had a thing for her, but I thought she was 150 per cent mine, and that guy could knock himself out being her buddy, and I would still snap my fingers and she’d still come running.

What I didn’t realize was he was overtaking me in the popularity poll, point by point. Two weeks ago, she asked to have a serious talk with me and told me we were through, and she warned me she would be starting to see this friend as a boyfriend now. She said she didn’t want to go through another Valentine’s Day, or any other day, with a thoughtless, selfish guy. She didn’t even cry. I was shocked!

I thought she was going to be my wife, and she would be delighted and grateful to get a big diamond ring on her finger. I kind of told her that. She said she realized she didn’t care about some showpiece on her finger from me. She just knew she didn’t want a boyfriend who never gave her flowers or presents except at Christmas, and never took care of her. She brought it up that I even forgot her birthday in January and that made her cry. I was one day late and I said I was sorry 10 times! She said that’s when she knew she didn’t want to be married to me or have children with me.

Anyhow, you’re my last resort. I was wondering if there’s any way I could win her back. I’m not going to let that big suckup take her away from me for good. I’m going to fight for her. I love her, and she’s mine. What should I do?

— Her Real Love, River Heights

Dear Her Real Love: Sorry, I can’t think of a thing. My red love-rescue folders don’t have your name on any of them. You may say you’re sorry about everything, but it’s your nature to be a taker, not a giver. This giving type woman is better off with the guy who really loves her and has proved it with word and actions. Her romantic love for you dwindled away bit by bit as you continued to treat her like she was lucky to have you around when you had nothing better to do.

I would like to see you fall for a woman who’s tough and brings you to heel. You need to learn what it is to love somebody deeply, and not be sure of her. Only then might you be ready for a real relationship, where both partners are giving their all. Good luck.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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