Divorce man-child beer sponge, find mature man

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/07/2019 (2277 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: On a very hot night recently, I came home to find my young husband in bed with six bags of ice. He was using them under a top sheet to keep himself cool in his little tent while he watched sports. He had drank at least six beers that I could count.

I said, “Great, these sheets are damp and it’s noisy and nasty in here. Where am I going to sleep?” He laughed and, without even looking up from his game, said, “Somewhere else, I guess.”

I said, “You’re right about that, mister,” and went back out the door, got into my car and drove to my sister’s house.

What I mistook for a fun-loving character is really just an overgrown boy with no maturity. When I get off a night shift, I need to sleep — and he jokingly told me to go somewhere else? I suppose he meant the living-room couch?

This time, my dear sister gave me a room with an air conditioner and I cried myself to sleep and slept for many hours. My husband later claimed he knew where I’d go, so he wasn’t worried.

This may be the shortest marriage on record — not even a year. I can’t imagine having children with this big baby.

I told him we’ll get marriage counselling or it’s goodbye, and he said he’d “think about it.”

He makes a ton of money at one of the trades, so he doesn’t need me financially. Does the marriage of two people and the love and respect there’s supposed to be not matter to him? He treated me like one of his old roommates.

To be honest, the marriage was my idea, but where’s his side of the bargain? The one he made at the altar?

— Ready to See a Lawyer, Windsor Park

Dear Ready: He agreed to the marriage — he attended the wedding and got married, signed the paper — and went right back to being himself… immature and self-centred. That happens to be a fun-loving young guy, not a mature man yet.

He probably had a lot of laughs calling his friend to tell them about his ice-cooled sleeping tent with entertainment unit in front of him. Who needs anything else?

If you want a grown man who wants a family with you, it’d be better to get out of this quickly. Don’t try to force this boy into a man’s shoes.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I bought three sex books for my wife when I was away in Toronto on business. They’re like how-to manuals for good times. I gave them to my wife, and she said, “Are you trying to tell me I’m no good in bed?” I said, “Well, honey, we could do with a little variation instead of the same old, same old.”

She said, “I have an idea what you did with your old ex, and I’ll tell you right now I’m not into whips and chains.” I quickly lied and said that wasn’t what I was looking for.

OMG, she’s boring! She thinks her expensive boob job and many hours spent at the gym and the beauty places are enough to have me enthralled with her. Ha! That sure wore off.

I’d almost rather have my old girlfriend back, who was nothing great to look at, but lots of fun and always up to something crazy or kinky.

I gave her up for this gorgeous woman with the perfect body. My buddies were impressed I could get her. Now I find out it’s all show and no go.

— Am I An Idiot? Highrise on the River

Dear Idiot: Try turning things around. How would you like books from your wife on how to improve yourself sexually, and how to dress in a way that matches her sophistication? Look, you wanted a trophy wife and you got one who promises to keep shining herself up for you and other guys to admire — because that’s who she is.

You rejected the lively, warm and sexy girlfriend because she didn’t show off to the crowd you keep. Even in your letter, you have to show off to me, talking about your fancy apartment on the water and your red-hot ex-girlfriend (who wasn’t up to your beauty standards). Are you an idiot? You decide.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.