Old flame melts married woman’s heart

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This article was published 08/07/2019 (2356 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a man I shouldn’t love anymore. It happened at a big wedding in mid-June. We knew each other from high school, but moved far apart for our educations — and have both ended up back in Winnipeg. I’d heard in May he was back home for a big job opportunity, but forbade myself from even looking him up online.

So there he was at the wedding — large as life — suddenly right in front of me. I looked at him and my heart flip-flopped. He walked over and quietly kissed me on the top of my head. (I’m short and he’s tall and this was his old way of greeting me.) And he used his sweet pet name for me. That did it! It was like we were back in Grade 12. I looked up and words came flying out of my mouth — “Where have you been the past eight years?” — and then I felt utterly foolish. My voice squeaked, like the 17-year-old girl I was when he departed. I thought I was over him…

But why did he kiss me on the head and whisper that pet name? How do I deal with this? I’m “OK-married” and I believe he is, too. My life is suddenly in a mess — my stomach a wreck. I don’t know what to do. We talked for about 15 minutes and I could tell he was close to tears, too. Then he said quietly, “We can’t do this!” and took off, walking quickly to the other side of the room. Please help.

— Unexpected Shakeup, Winnipeg

Dear Shakeup: Sometimes love doesn’t go away, but just goes quiet in one’s heart and mind, seemingly forgotten. Then the old “beloved” pops up before your very eyes.

And you can once again see, hear, touch and talk to each other. Just like that, the old spark ignites, particularly when you had a separation due to circumstance and not a breakup out of annoyance and anger.

What can you do? First, face the fact that you can love more than one person in your life. You can have more than one soulmate, and it doesn’t mean you have to leave your present love, on the surprise return of an old one.

Don’t be ashamed to shed some tears privately, but know that your old love said clearly he “can’t do this.”

So why did he come up to say hello and drop his old hello kiss on your head and say your pet name? Probably an instant impulse, when he got near to you. Would shaking your hand have been better? I doubt it. It would have felt like an insult, considering what you’d been to each other.

Not many people have backup possibilities in love, so don’t regret this surprise meet-up with an old flame. If you both lose your present mates at some point down the road, you might want to look each other up.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s a situation at work that’s ready to blow up. I, as an old-fashioned secretary, can feel it building. Two younger guys, who used to be adversaries in sales, are now joining forces and I think they’re trying to oust my boss, who’s second only to the owner of the company.

My loyalty is totally to my boss. I’ve worked for him only for many years. These guys know that, but keep prying for the inside scoop on what’s going on with different deals. I know a lot — and they know I do — but I play stupid with them.

Last week, one of the dirty duo hinted it would be in my best interest to be more co-operative with him. The nerve!

Should I warn my boss about what I think these guys are up to, or quietly start looking for work elsewhere? I could never be a modern “personal assistant” to either of these jerks.

I’m a single mom raising two teenagers and need steady money — so security is a big priority for me.

— Ground Is Shifting, Manitoba

Dear Shifting: Fully inform your boss of the facts and your hunches, and your fear that you might be out of work if he is suddenly out of a job. He may already be well aware of what these schemers are trying to do — and perhaps he’ll tell you their jobs are on the line. Then you don’t need to worry so much.

If he can’t tell you that, you might start right now looking for other job possibilities. You have kids to feed, clothe and educate. When the ground starts shifting, a single parent simply has to start looking at alternate routes to financial safety and security for the family.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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