Don’t take laissez-faire approach to French fling

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/08/2019 (2613 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a female university student living with two girlfriends. I have an online love in Paris and am totally crazy about him! He wants me to come visit him this fall in the “City of Love.”

I feel uneasy doing this, although he seems to have a nice family — but they’re off in the countryside. My heart says “Go!” and my head says “What if it’s not safe?” — Debating This Night & Day, St. Boniface

Dear Debating: You’re right to be cautious about a first visit to a new country to meet an online “love.” If he wants to see you that badly, invite him to come to Canada first and meet your family and friends. If he’s a student and can’t afford the ticket, offer to split the cost with him. 

If you get a clear “no can do” message, and it’s all up to you to make this big trip and pay for it — not knowing him except by computer and phone — then he doesn’t love you all that much.

If he did, his concern would be meeting you anywhere YOU felt safe and happy. Women are much more vulnerable in these travel-alone situations.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I got fed up with the hot weather, and my workplace allowed me to take a few days off to go up to the lake and surprise my darling young wife, who was up there all alone.

When I drove in the back lane, I was surprised to see a car and a good-looking guy in shorts up a ladder fixing something on the edge of our roof, with no shirt on. Not that it should matter, but he had bulging gym muscles and a dark tan, and looked about 15 years younger than I do. 

My wife looked startled, and quickly introduced me to the guy by his stupid nickname as he came down the ladder. I noticed the remains of lunch on a nearby table, with beer bottles and what looked like the remains of other “edibles” and I said, “Looks like you two had a nice little party here!”

I then went straight into the cabin where I saw a big wine bottle and two glasses by the bed and the bedclothes all churned up. 

My wife came scurrying into the cabin and I could hear the guy’s car backing out fast, and squealing off.

I said to her, “Is this how your first marriage really ended?” She just blubbered. I said I was going home and suggested she go stay at her mom’s. Her defence? “He didn’t mean anything to me. You’re the one I love.”

I’m not as cool as I sound. I’ve been sick to my stomach and had to take more time off work. I HATE looking at our new furniture in the bedroom of our house — the house I bought and paid for over 20 years.

I really loved this young woman, and I’ve never felt so deceived and hurt. Obviously, wedding vows mean nothing to her. I felt so sorry for her when I met her after her “violent” husband had treated her so badly. She was living at her mom’s and had a part-time job, which she quit when we married. 

I have two degrees, but I obviously don’t understand anything anymore. I can’t eat and I can’t sleep. What should I do now? Please advise. — Totally Miserable, South Winnipeg 

Dear Miserable: This woman is looking out for No. 1. Her only problem is getting caught, and she’s foolish enough to take big chances.

Phone her and ask her where she wants her stuff to go, and suggest her mother’s place, where she’s returning. She’s certainly not staying in the house with you.

Also, don’t let her stay at your cottage. She may ask, as she’s got lots of nerve!

As for being sick with marriage break-up grief, see your doctor right away for help with eating and sleeping, and a recommendation to a psychologist or relationship counsellor to help you sort things out so you can at least work. You’ll need a domestic lawyer and accountant as well. Good luck to you in this painful time.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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