Mind your manners in the sex shop, please and thanks

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/10/2019 (2558 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I want to address the man from the sex shop in the letter signed Can’t Stand The Guy. A neighbourhood man he knew came up and said to him, “Fancy meeting you here.”

My answer would have been “Likewise,” with a raised eyebrow. That would keep him guessing as to the meaning behind it. Mind you, that’s the answer I can give now that I’m older.

I remember very well the first time I set foot in a sex shop. I was with a friend, and both of us were curious as to what they had to offer. I was so worried someone I knew would see me enter and exit. Well, on my way out, I tripped and fell flat on my face halfway between the shop and the sidewalk. Duh! I enjoy your column. Cheers!

— Anonymous Woman, Winnipeg

Dear Anonymous Woman: Checking out a sex shop should not be a problem if people understand the etiquette necessary. When you come into a “private” zone like a sex shop, you give everyone in there complete privacy and just conduct your own business with the people who work there.

If you should see someone you know in the shop you can smile a little smile (not a smirk), turn around and continue doing whatever you’re doing — you don’t go over for a visit.

You could be buying for yourself or for someone else — nobody’s business. You pick a time to pay when no one else is standing in line. In other words, you grant people space for privacy as they put objects and clothing and books on the counter.

After they’re gone, give it 10 seconds and then you step up to the counter. That’s how it should work if people are being respectful of others in the store.

Then you walk out casually, trying not to fall. Just kidding!

Check out the letter below, also from a person struggling with behaviour at a quasi-sexual place where people in bathing suits are using the pool.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I spied a beautiful woman at a spa by herself, openly using her eyes and smiles to flirt with me. I took a chance and went over to her in the water and tried to talk quietly, but she put her finger to her lips and shushed me. She was no longer smiling.

I was surprised because she had been smiling at me before in a come-hither sort of way. I went back to my spot to lick my wounds, and about 15 minutes later, a guy with a big wedding ring arrived and went straight over to embrace her.

I’m no baby and I know she was flirting with me before he arrived, looking me up and down from behind her hot little romance book. Believe me, I felt I hadn’t come over to her uninvited. Why did she play me that way?

— Taken In, Fort Richmond

Dear Taken In: She was exercising her feminine charms before her hubby got there, a thing some married people do if they want to prove to themselves they’ve still got the “it” factor. Married men do it too, especially in the bar or at restaurants when they’re with the guys, or alone and waiting for their wife to arrive. They may feel a little trapped by their marriage and they just like opening the marriage door once in a while.

To make yourself feel better, you could have sent a telepathic message, saying: “I see your game now.” She wouldn’t get it — unless she saw the disrespect on your face — but it might make you feel better. A naughty boy would blow her a kiss and let her explain that to her husband.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My neighbour in my new apartment building has the hots for me. He keeps accidentally-on-purpose running into me at the same time coming home from work. Yesterday he asked if he could carry up my groceries. They were too heavy, so I said yes.

On the way up the steps, he admired my hair and my coat, as I dress in a feminine way… I think he’s a very nice guy, but I don’t know how to tell him I’m a lesbian. Got a line for me to use? I know he’s crushing on me, poor guy.

— Lipstick Lesbian, Tuxedo

Dear Lipstick: Just work the information on your sexuality into your next conversation, when he compliments you, because he’s the type to do that. Say kindly, “Well, thank you very much. By the way, do you know that I’m a lesbian?” That will cool him off, though he may still want to be friends.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography