How to keep ’em down on the farm

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This article was published 10/10/2019 (2425 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My city girlfriend left me on the farm. I had hoped she’d fall in love with farm life and we’d get married. I met this beautiful young woman when I was at the University of Manitoba while taking my agriculture degree. I graduated and worked in the city. This year, my dad died and I took over the farm, which had always been my desire.

My city girlfriend, who said she loved me, came out to stay for the summer and I could see how she felt. I could see she was “amused” but not getting into farm life. She never made any effort to fit in with the ladies around, who were very friendly towards her at first — then they just gave up.

I couldn’t spend enough time with her in the good weather. When October arrived, she said she couldn’t take it anymore. She felt “cold and lonely” and was going home. I was heartbroken and actually cried back behind the house. I offered to drive her, but she said the trip would be too sad and painful. Instead, she had her city girlfriend come out and pack her up in her truck. She and her city friends like country music and think driving a red pickup is somehow cool. It was harsh.

Even so, I miss her and her pretty dresses, high heels and the wine and candlelight dinners in my farmhouse. That’s a weakness of mine, you see. I love those fancy city girls, and I adored her. The farm has never seemed so lonely. I’m on the computer every night, looking for love in all the wrong places. Any suggestions?

— Lonely Farmer, Southern Manitoba

Dear Lonely: You had a strong enough love of the land and lifestyle to bring you back to the farm, so you should stay. But you need a fun lady, and dress-up ladies exist everywhere — in the country, too. There will be sports, arts, music and other groups you can join, and they’ll have male and female members. Once the married gals find out you’re looking for a country woman who dresses up, they’ll be helping you whether you like it or not.

You need to join groups outside your town. There’s never been a better time to get involved in save-the-Earth and climate issues, and you’ll meet people you don’t see on a quick visit to town for supplies.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man who seemed very sexy and loving and wanted to please me. But now I see he has a lot of buried resentments against women — like his ex-wife, his mother and his nasty sisters. He recently said he didn’t want to talk to me for a whole week, as he was so fed up with “all you women.” I had just politely requested he kiss me more when making love. I asked why he was doing this and he admitted he was passive-aggressive. Then he lumped me in with “all women who attack men when they’re at their weakest.” Well, I’m a proud woman and will not be calling him and trying to suck up. What do you suggest? I still love him.

— Hurting, Fort Richmond

Dear Hurting: When you’re dealing with a passive-aggressive man who has big control issues, you need counselling with a third party. It would be best if it were not a lone woman conducting the counselling. If he refuses counselling, then you have to change your way of dealing with him. When he tries to manipulate you or withhold from you, or drag his feet on things he’s promised, say, “I love you, but don’t try this passive-aggressive stuff on me anymore. I won’t let you undermine me again.” It may help if he knows the gig is up. Or… maybe not! Then you have a bigger decision to make.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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