Former flame must leave his wife to rekindle old love

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/10/2019 (2531 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A long time ago, I had a hidden relationship with a married man I’ll call Mr. X. HIs wife found out somehow, and there was trouble all over the place. She called me a bunch of dirty names and a home-wrecker.

His wife swore he’d never see his (half-grown) kids again if he tried to leave, and she would tell them everything he was guilty of doing with me — another woman. He loves his kids and he caved, so he and his wife ended up staying together, however unhappily.

I’ve had another boyfriend over the past 10 years, but carried a torch for this married man the whole time. A month ago, I broke up with my boyfriend, and I guess Mr. X heard about it through the grapevine.

He told his best buddy — who has been a friend of mine and still keeps in contact — that he was “still in love” with me. His last child graduated from high school last June and is now in B.C.

So guess who phoned me today? He wanted to see me desperately. I said, “Are you still with your wife?” He said, “Yes, but not for long.” We talked for three hours. I cried at the end and refused to meet with him.

Am I right? Was it a mistake to talk to him before he actually leaves his wife, or might it strengthen his resolve to leave her?

— Sick at Heart Again, Westwood

Dear Sick At Heart: He has to want to leave his wife enough to finally do so before you speak to him again. Three hours of intimate talk was enough to make you cry. You already say you’re feeling sick at heart, so talking to him was a bad move.

If he can have you and his wife and keep the peace at home, he’d finally have it all again like he did before, wouldn’t he? He may try for another hidden romance. Tell him you’ll talk to him after he’s moved into his own place. You need time to see if you still love him, like you think you do. Oddly enough, you may find you don’t like him as much, let alone love him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think I love my new dog more than my wife. For one thing, my dog is devoted to me and her big, brown eyes follow me everywhere. We walk for hours in the neighbourhood, checking things out. My wife’s squinty blue eyes are trained on her computer work, she’ll never go walking with me and she criticizes everything I do.

She’s especially angry because I don’t want to have a child with her. I know she has cheated in the past, and I don’t trust her enough for children. So now I have, at long last, a real friend who loves me and cuddles and wants to go out for runs and fetch sticks.

I like my wife, but not as much as before. On Friday, she told me to make up my mind about being with her or the dog. I told her I’m not getting rid of my dog. She replied the dog is “not getting any younger.” Huh! What should I do?

— Dog Lover, Transcona

Dear Dog Lover: This marriage has long been dead — the trust, affectionate loving behaviour — gone out the window.

Take your pooch and make a new life. Look for a woman you love to bits, have a great sexual feeling for and totally trust — maybe you’ll want children with her. Let your wife find a guy that suits her and wants to make babies with her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In your response to Sick to Death of Teaching, from the writer feeling so unhappy in their first teaching job, you neglected to mention there’s a lot more to teaching than what goes on in a traditional school setting.

Different schools have different styles and cultures, and this young teacher may just not be a fit for this particular setting. They should investigate other schools and school divisions. So much depends on the philosophy of the leadership.

There are also many independent schools that take a variety of innovative approaches. Manitoba has a fantastic network of adult learning centres that have opportunities for teachers, and there are a number of private tutoring programs that hire qualified teachers to work one-on-one with students who need extra support.

— Sincerely, A.S.

Dear A.S.: Thanks for your ideas for Sick to Death of Teaching. Unfortunately, this young teacher hates it so badly and sounded so desperate, she said she may soon need to resign for her sanity. If one backs out really early, possibilities for changing to different areas within the classroom may not be open to her. But one’s mental health comes first.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography