Tell sister the ugly truth about swine of a boyfriend

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This article was published 14/12/2019 (2505 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My sister is dating a guy I can’t stand! He’s full of himself, drinks and parties way too hard, and I now know for sure he’s cheating on her because I saw him at a club recently, dancing and making out with some chick against the back wall.

I was there with my friends, and when I saw it, I just filled with anger because he’s usually a major #%!@ to me. I think the guy has some serious problems. I told my sister about other smaller incidents, and she didn’t believe me. I think he’s starting to wear off on her a little. Is this my chance? Should I tell her I know for sure he’s cheating?

— Older Brother, St. Vital

Dear Older Bro: You don’t want this guy as a brother-in-law some day, the cheating father of your nieces and nephews. You owe it to your sister and yourself to tell her, especially now, since her faith in him is beginning to crack.

Tell her exactly what you saw, in detail, but don’t amplify. Be dead accurate.

You may get some pushback from him since he’s a guy with “problems,” but you owe it to your sister. Force her to open her eyes, and now’s also the time to set your parents wise to this jerk.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was shopping for Christmas gifts the other day when a guy at a store helped me out and was really flirty. He was also really cute, so I flirted back quite a bit.

He ended up asking me if I’d like to grab a coffee in the mall. I hesitated, but eventually said no. No big deal, right?

Well, the thing is, I’m married, and up until now, hadn’t really found anyone else attractive, except for my husband. Now I’m starting to really question everything we have. Things have grown a bit dry lately, and this guy seemed so exciting. What is wrong with me? Am I crazy? I didn’t do anything wrong, but I feel so guilty.

— Flirting Wife, St. Vital

Dear Flirty: You didn’t exactly do anything wrong, but your conscience is telling you it wasn’t exactly right. You flirted with a guy to the point where he asked you for a coffee. That’s sounding an alarm bell. Consider seeing a relationship counsellor alone to talk this out rather than awkwardly bringing the flirting up to your husband and defending yourself by telling him how dry and boring your marriage is lately.

You need to get the problem sorted out in your own mind: what you want to change in the marriage, and more importantly, how you can start initiating that change instead of coming down too hard and blaming your husband.

Sneaky seeing a counsellor? Maybe. But it could change your marriage back into something fun and exciting, and too precious to gamble away at the mall.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a young guy in a band that plays lots of shows locally.

My girlfriend is awesome, and we get along great, but she secretly hates the music we play.

She used to come to lots of shows in the beginning, but that slowed down a bunch and now she never comes to any of them. Not that she has to, but it used to be something we did together, and I have such great memories of those days.

When I confronted her about never coming to shows, she told me it was because she thought our band wasn’t very good, and she doesn’t even like the type of music we play. I feel like absolute garbage now. Am I being selfish?

Not everyone has to like our music. I just wish she did.

— Hurt and Embarrassed, St. James

Dear Hurt: No wonder you feel lousy. It’s one thing for her not to like the type of music you play, but to tell you your band isn’t very good is an outright insult. So it seems she’s not too worried about losing you at this point.

Coming to see you play wasn’t at all about your music. She forced herself to go and pretend she liked your band to get her mitts on you. She snagged you as her boyfriend, but now when you go to play, you go alone all the time.

My friend, you didn’t mention the word “love” in your letter, and if you’re not that deeply hooked, it’s time to jump off the line.

You’re in a good position to meet other young women who do like you and your type of music, and that might be someone who actually plays or sings in your music style.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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