Make some preparations to keep sexy ex away

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/12/2019 (2505 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My former girlfriend — that greedy sexpot — will be back in Winnipeg for the Christmas week! My busybody sister told me this as she knows very well I still carry a torch for her. What my sister does not know, is that this sexy woman cheated on me before I broke it off.

My sister is up to some re-matchmaking (she first introduced us) and I know my ex is probably in on the plan, too. Why? They are longtime friends and my ex put it in an email a year ago I was “the best lover she’s ever had.”

So why did she cheat on me? I made the fatal mistake of going away on a canoeing week with my guy friend. She needs loving once or twice every day of the week. How do I dodge being ambushed, when I go weak at the knees? I don’t love her, but I can’t help but remember the hot times and feeling that desire for her again. Can you help?

— Not Her Plaything, Tuxedo

Dear Plaything: Can you round up a date for the occasion when you think you’re going to be ambushed? It could be a female buddy with a secret agreement to hang all over you. You also give her permission to tell your sexy ex to get lost. That way you will be protected from her — and from your surging libido.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother-in-law is an idiot and we are going to her place for Christmas dinner this year. She is a hidden drunk, sipping drinks from little shot glasses, stashed all over the house, including the plants and in the bathroom cabinet where I found one once. I drank it on her for a joke.

She’s so interested in “happy hour” that dinner is always very late and the kids and parents are way too hungry and getting crabby and the turkey is always overdone and paper-dry.

I dare not say one thing against my husband’s mother to him. She was widowed early, and worked hard to bring him and his brother up and help put them both through university to get good careers. You’d think she was the next thing to God almighty.

I admit she is nice to the grandkids, and when she isn’t so tipsy someone has to take her arm, she can be quite funny.

I just hate that I can’t feel relaxed going there for Christmas dinner and I start worrying about it a week early. If I go over there early to help, she doesn’t like it because she’s sipping vodka as she works. How do I stop dreading these years when it’s Christmas dinner at her house?

— Nervous Daughter-in-Law, St. Vital

Dear Nervous: You can deal with this, using some pre-planning. First, bring substantial hors d’oeuvres with protein in them that the kids will actually like — perhaps sweet and sour meatballs and little buns. Who cares if they don’t want turkey once dinner finally gets underway? Their tummies will be full and granny will be too tipsy to notice they’re playing with their food.

Second, keep your eye on the turkey and quietly pull it out, without her permission, when it’s cooked. Bring your own meat thermometer and stab it in, so there’s no arguing when it’s done and not dried out. Third, enlist all adults to get all the food dishes on the table so you aren’t alone.

To soothe your nerves, and “make nice” with your mom-in-law, offer a toast to her. Tell her how much you love the boys she raised and appreciate all the work she did to get them up and well-educated and out in the world. ’Tis the season to express love, not disapproval.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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