Girlfriend’s savage betrayal an apocalyptic nightmare

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/12/2019 (2125 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: What a nightmare I’m living. My girlfriend, who moved in last spring, has been distant and often missing in the past month and I found out the reason this weekend. Her ex-fiancé has moved back to Winnipeg for a new job and wants her to come back to him and marry him.

When she told me this, I was choked. I gasped, “Just get your clothes and go then!” She said — get this — “Aren’t you even going to fight for me?” I stared at her, fighting back tears, and said, “Get out of here, as fast as you can. I will be gone for two hours. If I hear you brought him into my place, I will go after him.”

She’s gone now — left the keys on the table — no note of apology and I don’t know where the hell she went. I’d like to say I don’t care, but my heart is broken in a million pieces. I can’t eat or sleep, and I’m missing work.

I thought she loved me and we were going somewhere fast, but I was just the replacement tire for him. What now, Miss Lonelyhearts?

— Devastated and Alone at Christmas, Fort Rouge

 

Dear Devastated and Alone: Fight for her? What kind of games player is she? Look, I can’t fix “devastated” quickly, but I can help with the grief. First, don’t fight it. Allow yourself to bawl your eyes out in your lonely apartment. Your buddies won’t see, and believe me, they’ve likely done it themselves at some point.

Don’t get drunk and call her. Just cry until you can’t cry anymore, except for periodic tears. Then go see your doctor and explain what you’re going through. Family doctors see people in grief and heartbreak many times a year. They can get you eating, calmed down, sleeping and back to work so you don’t lose your job.

You have every right to block her calls, texts, emails, and Facebook messages.

You don’t owe her anything.

Tell your entire family the fast way — by telling the one you can trust to bugle it out quickly. Every family has one of these! Also, tell your friends and force yourself to go out with them to do sports to burn off energy, even play pool or go to movies. If you’re a Christmas person, ask your mom, sister or best friend to help you buy a few gifts, even if it’s the same thing for everybody. Get them wrapped and delivered. You need help this year and family sometimes enjoy knowing they are needed.

Just don’t ask anybody out or to go to bed with you. You’re the walking wounded, so take care of yourself.

As for your “girlfriend” who just went back to her ex, send any of her leftover stuff to her mother, sister or close friend so it’s all out of your place. Let a close female friend help you rearrange your place so it doesn’t send you so many painful cues from cozy times with the one who just broke your heart.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My son is a year out of high school and his motivation is gone. He’s struggled with what he wants to do with his life, and right now he doesn’t work or go to any classes. He just takes up space!

He’s negative all the time, plays video games all day and refuses to help around the house. What on Earth is going on? I’m a single dad with full custody and I can’t be there all the time. I’m trying my best to talk to him about it and he just brushes me off. What’s going on? How can I help him?

— Single Dad With Mixed-Up Kid, Transcona

 

Dear Single Dad: Your “kid” is stuck, and now is the time to push him out by helping him find work. Tell him you’re going to help him get a part-time job. Even if he doesn’t want to get any kind of post-secondary education at this time, he needs to be working.

Help him get the first job, as staying home doing nothing and getting depressed is not an option. A fast-food place will probably take him on and some of them have such good training programs — it enables teenagers to get better jobs. Drive him to these places to get the application forms and help him to fill them out. That’s right! You babysit him right into this first job and keep on pushing him every day until he gets his first paycheque. Then something wonderful often happens. He gets the connection between work and money instead of doing chores at home for nothing. I have seen and heard many people who had kids in this situation sit up and pay attention, when they started to do paid work.

As for next year, this is the time to do the aptitude testing to help him find the kind of work training or university courses suited to him, and the kind of career he would enjoy.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My daughter has an STI (sexually transmitted infection) and I feel like such a failure as a parent. My husband and I split up when she was about eight years old and things have been hard. She’s been hanging out with really shady kids and doing shady things, and I admit I haven’t always been there for her.

Now this happens and I can’t help but blame myself. She told me not to tell her dad, so I haven’t. I think I might be the only other person that knows about it. I need some advice on how to get through this and help her.

— Mom Who Woke Up, Windsor Park

 

Dear Mom: Telling you was your daughter’s tentative extension of a hand for help. Take this opportunity. You admit you have been missing in her life in substantial ways, and now is the time for that to change. Don’t waste time blaming yourself, but step up to be as helpful as you can. It will bring you closer together.

I can suggest Women’s Health Clinic for counselling about her STI, even though you didn’t mention exactly what kind of infection she has. She could easily attend the Thursday night drop-in clinic. You could drive her and wait for her, as it’s right downtown and it’s dark at this time of year. The address is 419 Graham Ave., on the third floor (204-947-1517).

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.