Jailhouse romantics have their say as holidays approach

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This article was published 21/12/2019 (2500 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR READERS: I receive letters from the jails in Manitoba, particularly around holiday time, as people are prone to feeling more emotional. These letters often come from people who conduct relationships with others who are incarcerated. And these are often with people they have yet to meet face-to-face.

Then there’s another world where they may have personal relationships with others in the jails where they are living. People often have close friends or sex buddies, and some have love relationships. People have needs and jail is a lonely place if you have no one. So please, dear readers, suspend your judgment as you read on.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in Headingley Correctional Centre, and in a long-distance relationship with a very beautiful woman in jail in Alberta.

She is a lesbian who says she has fallen in love with me. She has even had my name tattooed on her collarbone, claims to only talk to me and has broken up with her lesbian partner.

She writes me and sends pictures and cards and talks a lot about how she loves me. She has also told me about her lesbian lovers in jail, but at the end of the day, it’s me she cares about and loves.

I have about six months to go and she has about 13 months left. I’m a man with a heart, but don’t know about this relationship. What should I do?

— Confused Inmate, Headingley

Dear Inmate: Since this woman is all wound up over you to the point of tattooing herself with your name, and your feelings are ambivalent, you won’t be able to make any decisions until you make it real. That means going to visit her when you get out and, if it’s good, starting to see her and having a real relationship on the outside — if, indeed, you actually want one. Plus, you will need to live in the same place.

Sometimes it takes the real life face-to-face meeting to tell you both if there is chemistry or not, and you do need real chemistry when you’re close together and both free of jail.

So tell her exactly that, in the nicest way possible. She may meet you in the flesh and think, “I like this man a lot, but I’m not feeling all that attracted.” She may, in fact, prefer a lesbian lover if she finds she’s not that into you. Or you might not be extremely attracted to her.

Also, you will be free for half a year before she is! What do you plan to do during that time when you will be hungry for real physical action, romance and the feeling of warm arms around you?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m incarcerated and stuck in a love triangle. I’m currently in Headingley.

I’m not talking about a triangle in this jail, but a triangle with two women who are also incarcerated.

One doesn’t seem to move on and the other I plan on building a relationship with when we are both out. I tried to explain to the first that I can’t see us together as a couple — things wouldn’t work out. She continues to send me mail and I don’t respond — and I feel like a jerk for that.

I speak to the one I want, and it’s a two-way street between us. She also has a girlfriend in her jail and I’m totally fine with that, as I’m not the jealous type. (At least it’s not a guy!) I need help with this situation I’m in.

— “Jailbird” at Headingley

Dear Jailbird: Although it’s great to get letters when you’re in jail, you’re feeling like a jerk because you haven’t really gotten rid of the woman you know you don’t want. Just ignoring or ghosting her is not the way to do it.

You have to tell her frankly you’re not interested in her as a love partner and she needs to look in another direction if she’s wanting a man. Tell her you have another lady you correspond with, who you care a lot about and who is more your type. She isn’t going to like that truth, but it may finally set her free.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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