Holiday breakup boy doesn’t deserve call

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This article was published 26/12/2019 (2436 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I shared a kiss with a gorgeous man in mid-December at a Christmas party. He told me he was just waiting until Christmas was over to break up with his girlfriend. I gave him my phone number and told him to call me when he was ready, and… we kissed again!

My best friend tells me he’s not a man I should trust because he kissed me ahead of the breakup, and blabbed a secret about the upcoming breakup just like that, and behind his girlfriend’s back. But then, my friend doesn’t have anyone in her life because she’s such a man-hater. 

I really want to call him and wish him a happy new year. We exchanged business cards and cellphone numbers. What do you think?

— Waiting for Contact, Charleswood 

Dear Waiting: It’s unkind of you to be waiting impatiently for another woman to get her heart broken after Christmas. And know this: if this guy is really waiting until after Christmas, you better hold your horses until well after New Year’s Day, as breakups often involve tears, recriminations and — get this — reuniting! Breakups are often ragged, painful rips, not smooth transitions.  

On the trustworthy scale, your friend has a point. Hot Stuff was kissing you at a party, which probably involved Christmas punch and other drinkies, and he was telling tales of his faltering relationship, including when the axe was going to fall. He’s not well-acquainted with the word “honourable.” And one day, he may blame naughty you for being part of the big breakup decision — and may not feel too guilty about dumping you down the road. So stay away from that phone! If and when he calls, think twice about jumping in with him!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: What are we supposed to do on Boxing Day? My mom suddenly says this year we’re supposed to box up the gifts we don’t want or need and give them to the poor. We never had this rule in the house before. 

My mother is having a fit of the guilts because we have a lot more money now, since both she and my dad are working. Is Boxing Day really about giving our gifts away? P.S.: Please answer on the morning of Dec. 26.

— Unhappy Daughter, Age 13, Southdale 

Dear Unhappy: A Christmas present has also been called a Christmas “box” in England, especially in the olden days. Boxing Day originated in England under Queen Victoria as a day off for servants, after serving their employers all Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. 

The time was to be spent with their families and traditionally the wealthy family gave the servants gifts or Christmas boxes that day, too. Your mom may want to start this tradition in the family, but it is not a tradition in Canada.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My unmarried sister is just miserable. She’s only happy if she’s upset with someone.

Recently, she blew up at my only adult daughter to teach her how to have manners, as in her opinion my daughter “deserved it.” She says my daughter is always acting negatively toward her and now she is “finished” with her.

She also doesn’t like my husband and is also “finished” with him. She has done the same with friends over time, so this is not new.

She is just nasty! I tried talking to her, but she will only talk in her terms and will not listen to anything I have to say. She says she will never step foot in my house again!

She wants to have a relationship with me, without my daughter and our family, including my husband. I really don’t want to lose my sister, but don’t know what to do.

— Depressed, Transcona

Dear Depressed: Don’t let her pull you down to her emotional level. Tell her, with some strength in your voice, that she is making it impossible to have a full relationship with her, because you can no longer invite her to your house. 

Suggest the two of you go for some counselling together, as something has to change in order to make it possible for you and your sister to remain in contact. She is so much more troubled than you are. Why?

Hopefully, you will end up talking with the counsellor about personal situations that only a sister who grew up in your family could believe or understand — difficulties with parents or possibly a form of abuse inside or outside the family.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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