Time to ease up a little on the family plan

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/05/2020 (2296 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve had five relationships with girls/women and I’m 29. All of them were a washout. OK… they dumped me because I wanted to get married, of all things. Most girls want to get married, don’t they? I only had a single mom and grandma, so I didn’t get much of a big family life at home.

I finally asked the last girl why she didn’t want to marry a guy like me (great job, loves kids), and she said, “Because you’re a pushover. You’ll do anything I say… You’re so desperate to nail down a wife and family you even have the kids’ names picked out!” (Embarrassing, but true.)

How do I change, when that’s what I really feel?

This is my dream, and when I meet a girl I really like to spill out my hopes to her, usually after a few drinks.

Within a few days, I start noticing a little back-pedalling and within a month, we’re done. This one said she felt our relationship was more like an interview for a nanny position than a real romance and that I came off as needy. How can I change who I really am?

— Anxious to be a Dad, Windsor Park

Dear Anxious: Your first task is to find a lady you really love and she really loves you, with no mention of marriage and family. You need to establish a big connection with a new lady, which may lead to love, and a solid relationship. The women you date are not breeders for you, nannies or cook/housekeepers. Having said that, any woman who says she hates kids is off your list.

As for being a pushover, stop! It’s unattractive. You need someone who respects you, as you do her. Say no when you don’t agree, and offer your reasons as to why. Don’t put up with anyone using you to do all their errands or agree with everything they say.

If she’s being silly, selfish or rude, she probably already knows that, and wants you to call her on it. Just as you need a lady who’s strong if you’re going to have a family together one day, she wants a man who’s strong, too. Weak guys cause all manner of troubles.

For a change with the next lady you date, see her just for fun and have a ball. Get the wife-and-family dream out of your head, and just enjoy getting to know her. There’s no hurry at 29. You’re a guy, and can still make babies into your 40s and 50s, most likely. So relax, and just learn to be a great guy — one who’s not pushing a family agenda on any woman he dates.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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