Sending belated kudos to hubby for ‘talking turkey’

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/05/2020 (2325 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The happy returned-wallet stories from people in recent columns remind me of a time years ago when we were a struggling family with two children. Every penny counted. Festive season was around the corner, and groceries needed to be purchased to celebrate with family coming over for dinner.

Upon arriving home and checking my bill, it was obvious the grocery store neglected to charge me for the turkey — no cheap item! “Hey,” I said to my husband, “Early Christmas present! The turkey is free!” My husband said, “Well, if that is the case, I will not have a bite of a turkey that has not been paid for.”

So, back I went to the grocery store and paid for the turkey. The lady was so pleased, she called the manager. He insisted I accept a box of chocolates. Now, that was a sweet treat! I know I’d always have felt guilty not paying for the turkey, and that’d be a steep price to pay. After all, you have to live with yourself. Integrity has its own rewards.

P.S.: I always enjoy your column — common sense and compassion, with no pretense.

— Just Rose, Manitoba

Dear Rose: The temptation not to confess to the store about the “free” turkey was understandable, with your tight money circumstances. Thank goodness your husband stepped up. No doubt the manager’s gift of chocolates tasted sweet, as compared to the unpaid-for turkey which might have left a bitter taste for a long time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 34 and my girlfriend and I want to buy a little house and start a family of one or two kids, and get a dog, in the next few years. But I also feel like I’ll be the only one paying bills when the time comes. My girlfriend, now 31, has zero motivation and works a very low-paying job. She says she “really enjoys” it and that “it’s lots of fun” — she sounds like an overgrown teenager to me. She wants to be an artist one day — God help us!

She does no more than pay half the rent and thinks that’s a big deal. Everything else comes out of my pocket. I pay every last bill and I even buy her clothes. What a deal for her!

She says she wants an old-fashioned marriage in which she’s a stay-at-home mom. How do you pay for food, clothes and extra-curricular activities for another human being when you barely make enough to support two people? I love her, but I have to be realistic. I need her to figure her life out, because I’m starting to figure out mine. What can I do? I don’t want to break up.

— Time’s a-Wastin,’ Brandon 

Dear Time: No need to break up! But do sit down with this “big kid” and help her grow up. Sketch it out on paper, showing the house, the babies, the dog, the shopping bags and the vehicle(s). Make up a full expense chart for this white-picket-fence dream. Put down the mortgage price of a small house, along with insurance, utilities, food, clothes and baby costs — everything you can think of. Then write down your salary and her income, and ask her, “How can we make this dream work?”

Let her see the problem and say, as reality dawns on her, “It looks like I’ll have to work too.” Let her digest what’s in front of her and the monthly price tag for that lifestyle. Getting by as a family with kids in a house — even a little one — is expensive these days. It can be done, but rarely with one parent not working at all.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I found this young stray cat and brought him home. He was skinny and a matted mess, but I got him cleaned up, gave him a haircut, bought his food and made him a bed, and he was a lovely cat. My girlfriend (we are two women, and a new couple) was openly jealous of the love and care I gave to “that stupid cat.” She mentioned the weather was turning so nice he’d “probably like to be outside climbing trees and living free.” I felt a tightness in my stomach.

I said I didn’t agree with getting rid of him, and a few days later he was gone! She says she doesn’t know how he “escaped.” I think she kicked him out. I told her that, and she didn’t deny it! I’ve been searching everywhere for my cat, and she isn’t helping. I looked at her over dinner and felt my lip curl. I feel like she went behind my back and took away my baby. I realize I don’t love, like, or even respect her anymore! I want her out of here, even if that little cat does come back. How do I just send her back to her mother’s?

— Awkward, Horrible Mess, Fort Garry

Dear Awkward: Tell her exactly what you told me — and how you feel about her — now this has transpired. Let her know you don’t trust her now, and without total trust in a love relationship, you have nothing. She’s only been at your place for a short time. Tell her bluntly you want her to move back to her mom’s house as soon as possible.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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