Don’t swap self-respect for regular sex

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This article was published 09/07/2020 (2228 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts:  I started seeing this new woman around Valentine’s Day. She asked me out! I really liked how exciting and fun she was. We’d often rush home from what we were doing, get off the elevator and be peeling off our clothes down the hallway.

I never thought I could get enough of her craziness. But, I have to face something. It seems now that sex is all she wants to see me for.

On the phone she’s lots of fun, but 10 minutes into a conversation she cuts to the chase. She wants me to come over — and I don’t even get dinner anymore. I feel like her male sex doll, just coming over to please her.

Then right after sex, she yawns and goes to sleep. Last night she turned her back, reached back and patted my hip and said, “Thanks. If you want to go home, it’s OK.”

I suspect I’m being used, and I should know better. I’m actually quite intelligent with a good education and a great job. So, what am I doing? If I blow her off in the middle of a pandemic, maybe I won’t have a girlfriend for a long time.

I asked her two nights ago if there were any activities she’d like to do and named off a few places that are open for business. She said, “I can do those things with my girlfriends.” That’s when I heard a door slam in my mind. What should I do? — Her Sex Toy, Charleswood

Dear Sex Toy: If you just needed a girlfriend for sex, you’d think nothing of hanging on. But you want more than that, and the initial companionship connection has worn off for her.

She’s more than happy to call you up when she wants some action — and it doesn’t cost her a thing. Trouble is, it’s costing you your self-respect. And you have “heard the door slam.”

Very soon, I predict you’re going to run totally out of interest. When she calls to jerk your chain, you’ll hear yourself saying, “No, I want a real relationship with a woman. You just want me as a sex buddy. Don’t call my number anymore.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is so much fun — the life of the party. I don’t know why she married me. I’m a studious kind of guy with dreams of a doing a doctorate.

She adores me, loves to cook for me, wants to make a baby, and is close with her family as well as mine. My mom and dad adore her.

I walk around scratching my head, wondering why she’s so crazy about me. I asked my mom one day recently and she said, “opposites attract.”

I’m not so sure about that. I think my wife appreciates me more than I appreciate her, and I feel guilty. I’m lucky she chose dull old me and I feel unable to give her back the sociability I’m afraid she will someday start longing for. — Dull Young Husband, Fort Richmond

Dear Dull: It’s a mistake to second-guess your lively partner. She chose you for her own reasons and wasn’t looking for a duplicate of herself.

Maybe she feels steadied by you. Maybe she’s aware she’s a bit flighty and welcomes a man who can hang onto her ankles so she doesn’t fly away.

Seriously, she may see you as a perfect husband — and daddy figure for future children. She may look up to you, and you are too blind to see that!

Open your eyes and start enjoying things exactly the way they are. She chose to marry you and she doesn’t want you to change!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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