Hoity-toity tissue may point to bigger issue

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This article was published 10/08/2020 (2243 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve been dating a wonderful new man and we became intimate and exclusive two months ago — mad crazy about each other, or so I thought. I have been staying at his place or he stays at mine every second night. We quickly formed an exclusive lovers’ bubble to protect each other from coronavirus.

I was hoping he’d entirely forgotten his ex who dumped him because he was getting too serious. I thought I was steadily gaining ground in the love department, and she was probably a thing of the past.

That was before the Kleenex started appearing in his bathroom two weeks ago. When I first met him, we had way too many drinks together and he complained that his last lady only used Kleenex with aloe, vitamin E and coconut oil and Colgate toothpaste in the bathroom. He was so in love with her he bought her a Kleenex supply for her royal bottom in her favourite green coloured box, and large Colgate tubes for her smile. I think he may have forgotten complaining to me about this, as he was bombed.

He ran out of the special products after a couple of weeks of my being at his place overnight. But the last two times I have been at his house there has been a suspicious presence of green special Kleenex boxes and Colgate toothpaste under the sink, and one of each on the counter.

Either he brought these up from the basement or he has been seeing her again. I know he was really in love with her and I was his rebound woman. I hate to seem jealous and suspicious, but it seems weird to me. What should I say? Or should I shut my mouth and hope for the best?

— Ready To Blow Anytime! Windsor Park

Dear Ready: You’re already feeling seriously upset, so it’s too late to try to ignore it. Also, this is a bad time to be sharing a boyfriend if you suspect that’s what’s started happening. That would mean her bubble of friends, lovers and family has suddenly joined with yours — not good. So, you’ll have to ask him if he’s started seeing her again.

Tell him you notice a sudden supply of his ex’s must-have products in the bathroom and under his sink. Then ask him what’s up and if he’s seeing her again.

Sit back and watch his face while he answers. This is not the time to bury your nose in his shirt front. The truth is all-important and it’s easier for him to lie looking over your head, rather than into your eyes. Maybe he just thought he’d use up the supply he’d relegated to a basement closet. One can hope! But if he’s been seeing her again, as you suspect, then he’s not over loving her and wants her back.

If you’re not his one and only lover, you’ll need to say goodbye. All you have to say is this: “I don’t share when I’m emotionally and sexually involved and especially not in the time of coronavirus.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife got in trouble with the law when she was in her early 20s and that kept her from being able to get certain jobs. She never discusses her legal troubles from way-back-when, but lately she’s bored and out of work and has been drinking way too much, daily. Unfortunately, she’s starting to babble more on the phone to one of her friends.

Yesterday morning, we woke up and she was hungover again. An hour later, she started to cry because she remembers telling her friend on the phone when she was drunk that she committed some shoplifting crimes, got caught and paid the price. She said her friend swore not to tell anybody, but she’s terrified that doesn’t mean much as it’s juicy information and this pal is a chatter. What can I do to help her?

— Loving Husband, Winnipeg

Dear Loving Husband: It’s time to suggest your wife quits drinking, as that is an underlying problem causing the “babbling.” She needn’t be ashamed to get help from a group like Alcoholics Anonymous.

The second thing she needs to do is let go of the fear and shame surrounding the shoplifting of her youth. Lots of people are guilty of that crime, but didn’t get caught like she did and pay the price. If this friend tells other friends, she is not a good friend. At this point, the fallout is not likely to be as big a deal as she fears. Those days are long over.

But the drinking is becoming problematic now. You cared enough to write, and to want to help her. So talk to her about AA and let this liquor-induced oversharing incident be the catalyst for stopping the drinking. To find out about AA meetings and the organization’s social-distancing protocols, she should access Alcoholics Anonymous Manitoba at aamanitoba.org.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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