Find out what’s behind mid-life stalled sex drive

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This article was published 20/04/2021 (1990 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is driving me crazy! Our kids have grown up, and the last one just moved out. My man thinks it’s time to get all hot and heavy. He wants to have sex all the time, and I feel like I am wanting it less and less. I just want to relax and enjoy a house that’s finally quiet after two decades.

I’m an attractive woman, and my husband has kept his good looks, too. But, at this point in my life (late 40s) I don’t feel the strong sexual drive he does, and it’s getting to the point where I am just giving in, to get him off my back.

He’s a smart guy, and he can tell something’s wrong and wants to have a serious conversation about it.

How can I bring myself to tell the man I love I don’t feel like sleeping with him anymore? That’s how little interest I have in sex — zero!

Will he leave me? What future would we have if I told him my feelings? I love him and I’d be devastated if he left me or had an affair. — Quiet Queen of the Castle, East Kildonan

Dear Quiet Queen: This problem you have with your husband doesn’t stem from a feeling of disgust for him, but from a total lack of desire. It’s not unusual for a woman’s natural sex drive to settle down somewhat around menopause. But to arrive at zero sexual feelings for a man you love and find attractive requires investigation.

Make an appointment with your doctor and/or gynecologist to find out what’s what. Tell your husband that’s what you’re doing, and put off a serious talk until that happens, if possible.

The results of that talk will be much more positive if you have something hopeful to tell him, other than you have no sexual desire left for him — and you just want to enjoy a quiet house.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new neighbours are party animals. They stay up in their backyard around a fire pit drinking until 3 a.m. — laughing, yelling and playing loud music.

We’re in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, for God’s sake. I’ve called the cops a few times and nothing changes.

In late fall, I talked to them before I spoke to the cops, and they told me to where to go, in rougher terms than that. Shortly after, they started making my girlfriend uncomfortable, calling out how hot she was as she walked by.

I’m at the point where I want to go knock the homeowner out — he’s the worst — but that’s obviously a bad idea.

I can’t afford to move for a while, and I just bought this house. Is moving the last option left? I have a feeling these people are willing to wait me out.— Angry and Trapped, Winnipeg

Dear Angry and Trapped: Why should they move? They’re having a great ol’ time partying, and they get to annoy you and your girlfriend as well. A fence isn’t going to keep the noise out, and that’s your biggest problem.

There’s a fair amount of movement in the real-estate market, so it would probably be fairly easy to sell your house. It’d be worthwhile checking to see what your house is worth now, even just months after buying it.

If you can move — even to a smaller place — and find peace and happiness, it’d be best.

Next time you buy, find a way to check out the neighbours before you do. All you need to do is find one chatty neighbour or an outgoing and helpful real estate agent who will do that for you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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