Show you care, but don’t jump to conclusions

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/05/2021 (1954 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a difficult decision to make. Do I let an older male friend, who is quite ill, know his live-in lady friend of four years (his “forever fiancée”) has been openly flirting with men? He’s not on Facebook to see it, but I am. She is on my large friend list… foolish woman.

I don’t know how far she goes with these men, but she banters openly in a sexy come-on way, with guys I don’t know well. I hear from other girlfriends she goes on “coffee dates” with other men.

It would devastate my old friend to know his live-in is behaving in such a manner! He doesn’t do Facebook or have a smartphone anymore. He was very successful in the corporate world and when he left, he left all the electronic chains behind.

I thought she’d be there for him. He has supported her in every way, and she doesn’t work anymore.

They’ve lived a lavish lifestyle and since he got sick, they’ve hired help for cleaning and meals. I don’t know how serious his illness is exactly.

I always see her online, especially at night. To me, it’s so blatant! It’s like she’s already looking for her next meal ticket.

Side note: When they got engaged, he made her sign a prenuptial agreement, but they have yet to get married. Should I let my male friend know what’s going on or should I approach her and say a few words?

— Concerned Old Friend, south Winnipeg

Dear Concerned: Don’t bother your sick friend with what you’ve seen and heard. It’s doubtful he’d be in shape for a breakup or a fight over money. Plus, he knows her and has a prenup already. For all you know, they may have a secret verbal agreement that she can socialize outside the marriage, and just not hurt him by telling him.

You don’t know the whole story, so why not ask her nicely about how things are going since her guy has become ill?

Try to remain neutral, and really listen. Has he become withdrawn and unsociable with his illness — perhaps no kind words, affection or sex anymore? Has his personality changed? Does she seem disgusted and turned off, or rejected and hurt?

Depending on her answer, you may feel more comfortable just drifting out of her circle. You could quietly unfollow her on Facebook. Still, stay friends with her partner, who was your friend before she came along.

If she has the nerve to ask you why you’ve suddenly disappeared from her sphere, tell her honestly it bothers you to see her flirting when your dear old friend is ill.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A bunch of my friends have had their first vaccinations now and they’re more than two weeks past the jab, so it should be working. However, that’s not nearly 100 per cent protection, so I keep my mask on.

It just feels to me like I never had the shot. I’m just as nervous about getting COVID-19 as before. What’s up with that?

— Not Feeling Safe, Winnipeg

Dear Not Feeling Safe: You continue to wear your mask because you’re an intelligent person and you care about yourself and others — even people you don’t know. Plus, you haven’t had the second vaccination, which would bring you closer to full protection, though still not quite 100 per cent.

If you’re wondering what you can celebrate at this point, be happy your risk of getting COVID seriously and actually dying has gone way down. That should make for a drop in tension for people. With your mask on, social-distancing and hand sanitizing, you should actually be feeling “fairly safe” out doing necessary things in the world.

Still resenting the cover-up? If you’re living alone and single, you can be a happy nudist at home, since nobody comes knocking these days.

Out in the woods, you could bare your face and everything else, and run around like a newborn critter. Once it’s warm enough to swim, find a quiet beach, paddle out, doff your swimming suit, and feel the freedom. Counteract the need to cover up with some private uncovering!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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