Trust first instinct to ditch immature party boy

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 21/07/2021 (1895 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-boyfriend and I went through COVID together at my apartment, after he got it and gave it to me. He’s an immature party boy and his roommates wanted him out of their house once he got sick.

When he got better, I packed his bags to go live with his mommy. What an immature guy he turned out to be — and he drinks too much.

Last night he had the nerve to call me late — obviously drunk or high, and looking for you-know-what. I told him I’d already got a “present” from him I didn’t want, and bye-bye.

He called me back a few hours later, sounding pretty sober, and apologized from his heart for giving me COVID.

Now he’s had both doses of vaccine, and so do I. He asked me “please” for just a date together. I said I’d think about it. What do you think? — My Trust is Low, Osborne Village

Dear Trust is Low: This guy is still a bad actor. His first drunken idea didn’t work — to chat you up, and get himself invited over for some action — so when he sobered up a little, he had the colossal nerve to call back and use another tactic.

He’s the same guy, drunk or sober, and not classy enough to reconsider.

You seem to be feeling quite lonely after so many months of isolation. That’s to be expected, but it can be dangerous. To build up your confidence, make a list of friends and relatives you haven’t talked to much (or at all) since COVID arrived. Call them on the phone; texting doesn’t cut it. You need voices, laughter and friendship.

The calls will help you stop feeling so desperate for communication. You’ll also find some people who are fully vaccinated like you and are happy and excited to reconnect. You can do this — and without him!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m so excited I can barely contain myself. I’m a very social person, and I feel like I’ve been in jail. With so much opening up, I feel relief and an overwhelming desire to make up for lost time.

My husband, however, is overly cautious about moving forward. He does not trust we’ll be safe. And, because he feels anxious, yesterday he tried to forbid me to go out.

I didn’t listen to that nonsense. He always used to be sensible and fun-loving. Not now!

We’re in our mid-60s, so how many healthy years are ahead of us? Seize the day! I appreciate his “concern” but it’s to the point of having a phobia about leaving the security of our home.

We’ve both had our second shots, well over a month ago. I may seem selfish, but I cannot, or will not, live this way.

Is there anything I can do? I just went out last night, without his permission, with another vaccinated friend, and he’s furious. Ridiculous! — Table for One? No Way! North Kildonan

Dear Table For One: Some people need to come out of the safety of their house in stages. You need to talk with your guy about “appropriate caution” at this point.

Yes, there’s a small chance a person can contract COVID after vaccinations, but if so, it’s likely to be very mild. And, he’s not likely to get it from you.

Emphasize that he’s able to start enjoying the world with you. Don’t criticize him if he uses his mask when you’re out (and you think he doesn’t need to).

Going for walks in the morning and evening with him would be a good habit to start to get him out of that house.

Then, try a picnic in a park for lunch one day. Biking together and a round of golf might feel safe to him, or a trip to the beach where you sit under an umbrella, away from any crowd.

Then try getting him out to a restaurant, outside on a big deck with lots of room between tables. You’ll need to scout territory and make a list of places that are clearly safe in their set up — but that will be fun for a person who’s sociable like you.

If he remains determined not to go outside your house or to forbid you to go, it’s time for professional counselling. As we come out of pandemic restrictions some people have agoraphobia — a fear of the world outside their home.

One of the helpful developments coming out of the pandemic is that most counsellors are available by phone or meeting apps like Zoom. Call some, and find one you think he’d like.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography