Don’t jump gun out of COVID cohabitation

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/10/2021 (1415 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother allowed my girlfriend to stay with us during COVID because her family is too dangerous. Her brothers are big party boys and don’t care about masks, and her single dad works extra shifts and is rarely home. So I ended up trying to protect her at that party house and would often stay all night.

One morning we woke up and found a guy snoring (passed out) on the floor blocking her doorway out. That was it! My mother likes my girlfriend very much and I told her. She spoke to her mostly-absent parent very sharply, and insisted that she move in with us. He said, “Sure thing!” just like that.

So, she’s here now and has her own room and study space — but she mostly sleeps with me and my mother knows it. We use the best birth control combination my mother (a nurse) could sort out for us. There will be no pregnancy if good old mom can help it.

That doesn’t mean there isn’t a growing expectation from my parents that we will get married. I’m not saying we won’t one day, but does this mean my life is signed, sealed and delivered to this first serious girlfriend? We are both Catholic, I might add.

Do you think a guy like me (just 20 and my girlfriend is 19) has enough experience in life to get married? She’s the only one I’ve ever slept with! I’m not saying I don’t love her — I do. I definitely don’t want to send her back to that madhouse full of party animals. She knows I’m writing this letter because she wants to know your answer, too.

— Worried Boyfriend, Winnipeg

Dear Worried: If you create your own plan and tell it to your parents clearly, then everybody can relax. You and your girlfriend can straight up declare to yourselves and your parents you will not be thinking about marrying and having kids, with each other or anyone else, until you’re 25 and have careers going. You will marry one day, and it may be to each other — but it may not.

As soon as COVID is under control and things get back to a steady normal, you two should get separate places with friends, and still keep going out together, if you want to. This isn’t about breaking up, but about normalizing your lives, so you have some time to get an education and meet lots of new people.

By moving in with roommates, you and your girlfriend could break up for a time — or for good — and it won’t seem like breaking up a marriage. So start making plans for life after COVID. Who knows? Your parents might be relieved you’re not getting married too young, but were kind enough not to say it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend brought over a couple of bottles of champagne and we drank too much together, and got all giggly and silly. She was further gone than I was, and wanted to play a game she called “Confession Time” where you try to shock and out-do each other with confessions of things you’ve done.

I thought this might be a bad idea, but the champagne made me go ahead. She confessed she and her most recent ex used to play spanking games — and she liked it. “Really spices things up!” she said daringly. I could never resist a dare! But now she wants to reciprocate and I’m not a willing submissive. It’s become an annoying issue between us.

And then this happened: I was out playing a pick-up game of soccer with two teams of guys the other night and my new girlfriend’s ex was on the opposing team. He was being quite aggressive with me (not in the spirit of the game) and muttering insults — names like “Big Boy” (because I’m tall and overweight). I could just sense his jealousy. At one point he really went over the line with an insult, and I said, “Get out of my way, spanky!” and suddenly the whole thing ignited, and we were into a physical fight. My best friend, who is a hulk himself, broke us up and pulled me off.

What’s going on here? I don’t totally get it.

— Troubled New Boyfriend

Dear Troubled: Watch out! This new girlfriend is not a keeper. It sounds like she’s a subtle schemer and a real trouble-maker. Besides that, you’re not into reciprocal spanking games, so you’re not exactly a perfect match for her.

People often use drinking as an excuse to tell secrets they should have kept. It’s interesting your new girlfriend told the spanking story before this soccer match was in the works. She knew you’d be playing against her recent ex.

She could have invited you to play a kinky game with her without telling you it arose from hot action with him. But there’s nothing like having two jealous guys fighting over you!

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.