Job satisfaction vital to enduring relationship

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This article was published 27/11/2021 (1770 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My unemployed boyfriend told me he’d love me forever. Then, three weeks later, he got a job offer out of town and left several days ago. I can’t believe he’s gone.

We had a big fight when he first got the offer. He started talking about how he’d just go for a couple of months, see how he likes it and we could do a long-distance thing, which I didn’t want to do.

I reminded him I have a great job here that I love, and I’m happy to keep supporting him. He snorted and refused to listen, saying that situation makes him feel like less of a man. He accused me of not wanting him to succeed — ridiculous.

The worst part is I really miss him already and it feels awful. Did I make a mistake in not going with him?

— Distanced From My Love, Osborne Village

Dear Distanced: It makes sense for your man to give this job he thinks he wants a try for a few months. If he doesn’t like it, he might want to move back — if you and he are still missing each other. However, the man needs a job here for that to work. If he truly loves his new job, you might start looking for something comparable to the job you have now, but in his new location.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts. I’m writing in response to “Perplexed Aunt” who did not get any thank you notes for “very generous” monetary wedding gifts during the pandemic, as well as for previous holiday gifts. (I suggested Auntie stop the largesse with these ungrateful young relatives.—Miss L.)

I have to wonder if their parents pushed the importance of good manners and saying thank you as they grew up. It’s been my experience that good manners start at home. Also, with a wedding, the couple’s parents should ask: “Have all the thank you notes been sent to all who gave you gifts?”

— Manners Always Matter, Winnipeg

Dear Manners: To cash the big cheques and offer nothing in terms of thanks was very rude. Your suggestion about the parental reminder is a good one. It doesn’t need to be a physical thank-you card — a loving email with expressions of thanks to her would have been appreciated.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife recently told me, after another of our many fights, that she was never really attracted to me. She said she married me because she thought I’d make a good father and I had a good job. How cold and calculating can a woman be!

I feel stupid for falling for her and being used. I’m angry and hurting so bad, because I really loved her and found her absolutely gorgeous. Obviously, that was a one-way street.

I haven’t been able to look at her the same ever since, and I certainly don’t feel like having sex with her. What’s next?

— Never Had Her Love Anyway, Winnipeg

Dear Never Had It: No doubt your wife doesn’t look as beautiful to you now. Gorgeous can turn to pretty ugly after a dirty insult like the one she dealt. What she said to you sounded like an invitation to break up.

You didn’t say what your many fights are about, and why your wife lashed out like that. Has she had those babies she wanted from you yet? If you already share some children, you might want to see if you can reignite the dying embers. If she hasn’t, consider walking out before she gets pregnant.

No matter what, you need to vent, and talking to a marriage counsellor right away — alone and together — would be good first moves.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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