Knowing yourself better will help you connect

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This article was published 28/11/2021 (1769 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I can barely wait to go to bed lately — I’ve been having such erotic dreams. The dreams seem so real, but then I wake up and realize how truly lonely I am.

My friends have coupled off, leaving me as the third wheel. They’ve tried to set me up with their friends, but they weren’t good matches for me. I always end up in the “friend zone.” I’ve tried online dating with no success.

I feel I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. I’m a 29-year-old man with a professional career. I also own my own little house — bought it at age 24, and am very proud of that move, as it’s worth a lot now!

Is there any type of dating coach that could help me figure out what’s going wrong? While COVID is still a thing, I find it’s hard to be dating around the city and a little dangerous looking for love in public forums.

— Lonely Guy, Successful Career, St. Vital

Dear Lonely: You’re wise to learn as much as you can in the next couple months, and then you can start dating again, from a position of really knowing what you’re doing.

First, you need to identify what kind of person would suit you best. With a relationship counsellor or psychologist, you can get expert help figuring out your own personality type, what types of person might suit you best and then deduce where they’re likely to be hanging out.

A few sessions with a psychologist could help you work out any personality problems that get in the way of success, what role(s) you’d feel comfortable playing in a long-term relationship and how you feel about raising children.

Most importantly, analyze previous dating relationships that didn’t work and any sorts of issues that kept popping up so you can shift your behaviour, with expert help.

Seek out some books on dating and relationships as well — the more knowledge you bring to the project of finding a great mate, the better and the faster you’ll succeed.

You can also figure out some interesting and fun activities for future dates. Hot tip: Don’t show up in the same restaurant with a string of different dates and start looking too familiar to the serving staff. You don’t want your date to feel like she’s being put through your usual process. Make dating activities a new discovery experience for yourself as well, and the conversation will automatically be fresher.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve worked tirelessly building my business. I gave up on having a life partner and kids as I was never home. Now I can afford luxuries like a house cleaner, laundry service and deliveries. I always joke, “My telephone book is my cook book!”

I really enjoy this remarkable man I recently met, and I’ve head-over-heels for him. Unfortunately, I’ve let him think I do most of this domestic work on my own! Last week, he said he “appreciates a woman who can cook a homemade meal and look after her guy.” Trouble!

I’ve tried to tell the truth, but failed. Otherwise, we have so much in common and our fulfilling conversations last well into the evening. He admires my quick wit and sexiness!

I think I love this man. Sadly, he loves a made up version of me. He’s the smartest man I’ve ever met, though I don’t think he’s on to me yet. Please help.

— Fake Perfect Woman, Brandon

Dear Fake: You really think he hasn’t seen any clues? There’s a good chance this smart guy is on to you, and getting a big charge out of praising you as a domestic goddess.

At any rate, it’s past time you told him about your professional work life and how you couldn’t do everything domestic and hired “staff.” He may not give a darn about the domestic goddess thing and was just praising for you for doing something he at first thought you valued.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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