Take time to try out new family dynamic

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This article was published 30/11/2021 (1721 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve had several boyfriends since my pain-in-the-butt husband left nine years ago. My two boys have never liked any of my new guys. They only like Dad.

To get rid of boyfriends I was dating, they were nasty little ankle-biters when they were younger, and then turned quiet and surly as they grew older. They’ve strongly expressed their wishes that there never be a new father in this house.

To be truthful, I’ve been fine with that — until now.

I recently met this guy who is exactly the man I’ve been waiting for all my life. He’s enjoyed staying overnight when the kids are with their father, but now he wants to know why we can’t “improve on that situation.” I know he’s hinting at living together, and possibly marriage. We really click and, wonder of wonders, the kids actually like this new man — and he likes them back.

The trouble comes down to me, as it turns out. I like having the freedom I feel when the man I’m dating lives in his own place — and me in my own house with the kids. Now what? I’m used to being the only boss after nine years, but I think I’m falling in love with this man.

— Not into Sharing the House, East Kildonan

Dear Not Into Sharing: Nine years is a long time of being the total boss — and then maybe having to share power and decisions. So, go slowly. How about experimenting, to find out if you’d still hate sharing your home and your family with this special new guy? Maybe you’ll feel uncomfortable as usual, but it just may be you won’t this time.

Be careful how you handle this first experiment. We’re not talking about just one weekend. Maybe the four of you could spend five days together during holiday season at a cabin or resort. You could have fun with indoor and outdoor activities, playing games and watching movies.

See how that feels to everybody. If it goes well, your new man could start staying at your house for longer and longer spells.

Also, consider seeing a relationship counsellor or psychologist to discuss your feelings about sharing power and how to do it so it feels comfortable for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 16. I’ve had two girlfriends so far, and they were both what my Gramps would call “cold fish.” I’m close with my sister, and she tells me I have no moves, and I should get some. But she doesn’t have a clue where to get them and neither do I.

I’m sick and tired of being the guy with no experience. Lots of guys my age have had sex. I want to find someone who will want me that way. Last summer I let my latest girlfriend (she was 15) know what I needed, and she dumped me, just like that!

I was thinking today of going for girls a year or two older than I am, who’ve had boyfriends and probably some experience, and just telling them I’m ready and willing to try anything they want to show me. What do you think?

— No Luck So Far With Women, Winnipeg

Dear No Luck: If you think older girls will find your plain talk acceptable, and you can finally get down to some real action, you’re mistaken. They don’t want a randy 16-year-old guy chasing them to get some sexual experience.

Young women of 18, who are actually legal adults, may be considering guys 19 or even in their 20s for their romantic relationships. They’re not looking to help out a hungry young man.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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