Character clash may doom love story early

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This article was published 04/12/2021 (1763 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I recently went to see a movie. We started dating about two months ago and I’m a bit worried now. During the movie, there was a group of four guys making a bunch of noise in front of us, being rude edgelord types. They were saying things they thought would make us mad because they knew we were listening.

I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want to escalate the situation and they outnumbered me. When we got back to the car after the movie, my girlfriend was mad at me.

She told me I should have said or done something, and that she was embarrassed to be sitting next to me while those guys just blatantly ruined the movie for us. What the hell?

She didn’t want to make love that night, and the last few days, she’s given me the cold shoulder. We’ve only been together two months. I’m not a fighter, but clearly, she likes that in a guy. Should I move on?

— Just a Dude at a Movie, St. Vital

Dear Just a Dude: At the movie, you could have moved to a different location. That could have made your point with the jerks and with your girlfriend, and possibly saved the movie experience. Clearly, no staff was watching to help you. It might have been worth it to go out and get a manager and have those jerks turfed, but maybe you didn’t want to leave your girlfriend alone with those guys near her.

At the two-month mark, it’s an easy time to say goodbye. This girl more or less called you a coward and is backing off emotionally. Since you’re getting the cold shoulder, why not let this awkward relationship go?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I came home to a darkened house after a business trip recently, two nights before I was expected home by my wife. Oddly enough, there were two sets of dishes and remnants from a dinner on the table in the living room. A fire was still burning low in the grate.

I could hear music, so I headed for the bedroom. I opened the door wide, and my wife screamed. She was not alone. Someone was hiding under the covers, and I ripped them back!

It was her best girlfriend. This was no regular sleepover as they were both naked. My wife argues it wasn’t serious, just an experiment that took place after too much wine.

Right… I searched high and low in my wife’s drawers and cabinets when she finally went out the next day. I found two romantic cards — from her summer birthday and from Valentine’s Day with ribbons tied around them — from this same girlfriend, signed with love and other endearments!

I’m frozen up. We aren’t talking. It feels like the world as I knew it just caved in. How long has this been going on?

Please help. I need to leave her, but I just can’t make the move. We are living in near silence.

— Fool of a Husband, Fort Richmond

Dear Husband: You are guessing from the romantic cards this relationship has been happening for at least nine months — at least from one side.

Since you are both unable to talk, you need to involve a third party, like a relationship counsellor. Try to book a double appointment where you both go in separately for 20-30 minutes to get your thoughts and feelings out. Then, you finish the session with both of you and the counsellor as referee and questioning guide.

Yes, there’s a third party involved in this hurtful mess — the lesbian girlfriend — but it’s not likely you’d involve her in the marriage counselling.

This is serious decision-making time for you and your wife now, as everything is a painful mess in your marriage. With professional help you can replace your feeling of shock with one of moving towards a resolution.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: ​My wife and I are not sure we fully agree with your answer to “Younger Sister in Transcona,” about dating her brother’s friend. I met my best friend’s younger sister 57 years ago. He and I are still friends and he’s been my brother-in-law, for 51 years.

Younger Sister could skip this flirtation and shop elsewhere for a boyfriend, like you said, or her brother’s friend could become the love of her life, and the best move she’ll ever make.

My wife and I say “go for it!” We’ve been happily married for 51 years.

— Happy Ever After, Transcona 

Dear Happy: Congratulations! When you get that kind of result, you’ve really struck gold. But, it’s rare with young people — unless they’re all at the stage and ready to get serious — to stick with one person. You three were in perfect sync — so it turned out perfectly. But, when it doesn’t, it hurts everybody.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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