Saying sorry significant, just don’t cheapen it

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This article was published 10/12/2021 (1757 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This is regarding the man called “Needing the Apology,” whose wife never says sorry, but makes him a special dish for dinner instead.

On the other hand, when my children were very young, they would readily throw out a “sorry” when they thought they’d done anything that maybe they shouldn’t have. It got to the point where they were obviously using that expression as a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card (like in the Monopoly game).

I impressed upon them that saying sorry for something they did was to be done only when there was deep remorse.

— Been There, Winnipeg

Dear Been There: “I’m sorry” can carry different levels of remorse. The bad thing done can be anything from stepping on your toe (mild remorse), to hurting your feelings (medium remorse), to taking your car on a joyride and smashing the fender (deep remorse).

One shouldn’t discourage the use of an apology containing the word “sorry” if it’s sincere, as verbalizing it really does help people get over some of their upset and pain.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: One of my breasts is quite a bit bigger than the other one. I’m a single woman in my 30s, and I never known how to introduce the topic of my mismatched breasts to a new man. I’ve just met a great man. What should I do or say?

— Embarrassed, Elmwood

Dear Embarrassed: I have a friend who got over this problem by naming her breasts funny names like Large Marge and Little Sweetie. She said she’d talk to a new love partner about their different personalities and sensitivities, and how to please both of them.

You may not be outgoing enough to talk like this — to boldly make it a fun thing — but you could name “the girls” differently, though more delicately than this woman did.

Are you aware that most men have one testicle larger than the other, and they don’t really care? Male and female human bodies are works of art, not factory-made with identical parts.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My 16-year-old son recently started hanging out with a girl the same age from his school. At first, I was happy for him, as they met playing sports and seemed to have common interests. But then the red flags started to emerge.

His love interest is regularly getting drunk and partying. She’s allowed to go to parties much older boys are hosting, and her mom and dad even let her sleep over — to avoid having to pick her up!

Two weeks ago, she contacted my son at 1 a.m., urging him to join her at a neighbour’s party. That was bad enough. Now, this weekend, her parents are having a big party and have invited my son (they just met him) to come to the party, and sleep over. Being hungover is apparently something this family does quite often.

This is my son’s first girlfriend and she’s pressuring him for more physical closeness, as she’s used to having boyfriends. Not only that, but he’s never had more than a sip or two of beer. He has great grades, but she is failing some classes.

Clearly our values do not align with this girls’ parents, so I don’t feel I can trust anything that goes on if he spends time with her. How do we deal with this situation without alienating our son? He’s very excited by all this attention.

— Help! Winnipeg

Dear Help: Tread lightly, Mom. Forbidding your son to see this girlfriend could make the problem worse. Granted, sleepovers after drinking can certainly spell trouble, and her parents seem to be OK with his staying there. No matter what bed sweethearts start in, they will probably find each other for at least a few hours in the night.

Your biggest worry right now should be unprotected sex. Tell your son to ask if his new girl takes an oral contraceptive or is using any other method. To that end, talk to him about protecting both of them with good quality condoms to use as backup to what she provides. Buy some and give them to him to stash where he wants. (He won’t want you counting them when he’s out.)

Also, offer to pick him up if he’s been drinking, rather than have him drive home (or sleep at his girlfriend’s house). That means driving out cheerfully at 3 a.m., if need be, even in the winter snow. On a personal note, I’ve done the late pick-ups, and said, “Thanks for phoning me!” to my own two sons when they were teens.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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