Mom will make better neighbour than roommate

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/12/2021 (1755 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got a nasty shock when I moved back to Winnipeg for a better job. My difficult mother — who took me in for a few weeks — had secret plans to move in with me, once I find a house.

I told her a little too briskly that was not happening, because we’ve never gotten along well under one roof before — lots of arguments! Also, I told her I’d be having women over, as I’m a single man. I said bluntly I’ll be “interviewing” for that position, and need my privacy.

My mother broke down crying, and said she’s had “two years of being lonely because of COVID” and is afraid she’ll “lose her mind” if she lives alone much longer. I don’t know what to do when she cries. I’m suspicious, as she’s a champion manipulator, using guilt to get what she wants.

She was feeling just fine in her place before I moved back here, and she suddenly had my company. Mom’s in her 50s and a widow — and she says she’s too young for an “old folks’ home.” She used to be a social worker, but she retired a few years ago and she’s obviously bored. What should I do?

— Feeling Pressured and Manipulated, Tuxedo

Dear Feeling Pressured: Moving to a house in the same area would be a good compromise move. That means you have your own place, but can also easily have dinner with Mom once a week and help her do some shopping. Twice a week face-to-face contact might be enough for you hotheads.

Also, helping her expand her social life beyond you will simply benefit everybody. So do some research for activities your mom can do in the city that will get her safely in touch with people, online and in person.

As a retired social worker, your mother might enjoy doing volunteer work — where she’ll be needed and helpful — and meet good-hearted people working alongside her. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man online who really pursued me. I was soon falling for him — and thought he wanted me just as much.

That all fell apart when his wife heard about us and came to him, begging for another try “for the sake of the children who were suffering.” So, he went back and tried, and my heart broke in pieces.

To make things worse, his wife got hold of my phone number and told me to stay away. I was “an evil woman” in her mind and I “stole him away.” I did no such thing! He was already moved out when I met him online.

When he went back to his ex, I was shocked and devastated. Now, two months later, it’s over with him and his wife — and he says he soon realized he was very much in love with me, and wants me back in his life.

I can’t take trying again if it doesn’t work! Should I let him back?

— Wanting Him, but Terrified, Osborne Village

Dear Terrified: His two-month experience taught him it’s you he wants and that it won’t work again with his wife. You know you love still him, and chances are high you two will fuse together very closely this time.

Love, in this modern world of frequent breakups, is certainly not for the fearful. If you don’t give it one more try, you may be very sorry — and you don’t want to live with regret.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In my first relationship as a teenager, I got pregnant but miscarried three months later. I’m in my 20s now, and have not had a serious relationship since then.

We are Catholic and my mom innocently suggested I might want to become a nun! I don’t want to be celibate, but I’ll admit I’m scared stiff of the consequences of a serious relationship. What should I do?

— Once Burnt, Twice Shy, St. Boniface

Dear Twice Shy: First, you need some professional help to get you past the trauma you experienced as teenager. Once you work through that with a psychologist or psychiatrist, you’ll likely feel hope and a new curiosity about the world of dating and mating.

There are a lot of nice, loving people in the world, and you will be much more open to meeting some of them. Your positive new attitude will attract people to you, and you to them. This time you’ll be older, and when it comes to being intimate with someone you care about, you’ll no doubt be very well-protected.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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