Don’t exhibit the past if you want to move on

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife died three years ago and I finally have a lady friend. We get along way better than my wife and I did, to be honest.

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Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/02/2022 (1683 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife died three years ago and I finally have a lady friend. We get along way better than my wife and I did, to be honest.

My wife and I got married because she got pregnant (with my help). We fought a fair bit, but we had four wonderful kids.

My new woman doesn’t object to all the pictures of my kids and grandkids on the walls — but she really resents my wife’s big photo.

Not long ago, she was over cooking a fancy dinner, and she sent me to the store. When I got back home my wife’s big photo from the bedroom — taken in her beautiful wedding dress — was out of sight.

It had been deposited in a closet — upside down, no less. I put it right back up when my new lady left. She had no right to do that without my permission.

She hasn’t come back to my place since, although she still has me over to her place where, I must say, there are no pictures of her deceased husband. What should I do to get her back into my house where I’m most comfortable?

— Not Shelving My Wife’s Photo, Westwood

Dear Not Shelving: Your new lady friend’s requirement for coming to your house is not to have your deceased wife “staring” at her — and particularly in the bedroom. Fair enough! Time for you to get back into the romance game, showing respect and sensitivity for the living. That’s a small price to pay for an end to your loneliness.

You’ll need to put away photos of your deceased mate before your new lady friend comes over. And why not? She’s no doubt been doing that for you at her place.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m almost 19. I suddenly got kicked out of the apartment with my older cousin because she has a hot new boyfriend. I’m back at my parents’ house in the suburbs — 45 minutes to work and back on the bus every day.

My cousin got a promotion at work and a boyfriend in the same month. Then she asked me to go back to my parents — kicked me out basically.

I asked why, and she said she “needed her privacy now.” Totally unnecessary! We both had our own bedrooms and we got along just fine. I didn’t care if she has a boyfriend over, as long as I don’t see him in the morning. Now I’m back living with my folks, who treat me like a teenager. I hate this. Got any help for me?

— Kicked Out, St. Norbert

Dear Kicked: The reason your cousin wanted you out was so she could have the boyfriend overnight. He’d be there some mornings and they’d also have some lovers’ weekends.

She also wanted the freedom to cook, eat and watch movies with him, without you there. In short, you were getting underfoot, and she didn’t need your money for the rent anymore. Ouch!

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you as a cousin anymore, but she’s caught up in a new romance and wants her privacy back.

So, look to the future. Be nice to your parents, offer to chip in some money for rent and board, and save the rest of your pay. Then wait out the fourth wave before you start looking to relocate. Your best choice would be a bachelor suite near your work that’s all yours — and you won’t be asked to move again.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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