Don’t expect closure from unfaithful valentine

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This article was published 23/02/2022 (1680 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been in a mess since Valentine’s Day. My sweetheart dropped off a gift of wilting grocery store flowers after work. He collected his thanks in the bedroom, which I was more than happy to give.

Then, he made an excuse about seeing his sick mother, and left me. Little did I know that was “goodbye” sex from him.

I waited hours. He wouldn’t pick up his phone, and never came back for supper. I felt abandoned and cried. I burned the dinner I’d made for us in the oven, then I tried to drown myself in a bottle of wine.

When I was falling asleep, I phoned his mom’s house, and she said she hadn’t had a visit from him, and no, she wasn’t sick. She felt just fine.

I’m not stupid. I’m pretty sure he had a second Valentine stop with a new woman that evening. He probably stayed all night!

He didn’t even answer his phone when I called him at 2 a.m. I left him a message saying “Where are you? I need to talk to you!” I was crying through my words.

At his work, they take messages, saying he’s busy and will call back. No, he won’t! I just want closure. That’s not too much to ask, is it? I just want to hear the truth from him.

— Dumped Valentine, St. Vital

Dear Dumped: Most men don’t want closure, any more than they want a rough shave with a dull razor.

Women want to have both sides aired, and maybe try to smooth things out. In your case, he’s pretty sure you’ve figured it out — and that you’ve broken up with him by now. He doesn’t see the point of talking. He’s trying to avoid the anger, crying and demands for an explanation he doesn’t feel like giving.

Don’t kid yourself that you just want to be friends with him. That only works if both of you are sick to death of each other, and relieved to be out of your relationship.

Seeing a relationship counsellor would give you a place to unload all your feelings — and get them off your chest to somebody other than girlfriends.

Good counselling — if you actually stay with it past the crisis — could set you up to have better relationships, leading to a strong, long-lasting one.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife bought me something she knows I don’t like for Valentine’s Day. It’s a dark red robe, with satin lapels. I feel silly in it.

I am a man, and wear sweats and a sleeveless T-shirt to show off my arms when I’m home and feeling sexy. Why does she insist on dressing me like a male model? She says I can take the robe back, if I want. Should I?

— Not Her Model, Tuxedo

Dear Not Her Model: Your wife is inviting you to do something that might blow up in your face. So, quietly file that fancy robe in the back of the closet. At some point, she may give it away.

Men are often hard to buy for, because they usually buy what they need and don’t say much about things they see in passing that they’d also enjoy.

So, here and there — when there’s no looming gift occasion — take your wife out shopping to guy-oriented stores when you’re buying something you need.

Casually show her some other things you think would be cool gifts. Mention you’re not likely to splurge on them for yourself. She will be relieved to get some ideas for gifts you’d really enjoy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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