Hubby ‘fan club’ a sleazy part of social scene

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This article was published 12/03/2022 (1667 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is the “cutest” guy in our small group of about 10 married friends in our relatively new neighbourhood. I don’t mean he’s movie-star handsome, but he’s “boyish,” even in his early 40s, with thick curly brown hair that women love.

I didn’t think anything of it until this woman asked me at a recent get-together what it’s like to have a husband every woman adores. I didn’t like her tone, as it was clear she was one of his fans. I didn’t reply, but felt something in my gut and went and sat by my husband like a guard dog for the next half hour.

I started to notice over the evening how women flirted with him. He responded with a little charm, but not too much. A few drinks later, another woman laid her hand on my guy’s shoulder and left it there. He reached back and took it off.

Back at home, my guy told me I had nothing to worry about, but I’d gotten that same line from a former boyfriend who cheated.

What was that first woman really trying to tell me? It didn’t sound like she wanted to protect me from harm. There was a game-playing sound to it. It felt mean like she was kind of mocking me in a way.

I don’t like this group anymore. How should I react in the future?

— Feeling Threatened, St. James

Dear Threatened: Your instincts tell you this mocking woman means you harm. It seems she has an attraction to your husband — and may have been rebuffed by him. This would be her way of getting back at him, more than you.

You did see your guy, later in the party, removing another woman’s hand from his shoulder, so this group can get pretty chummy. Tell your husband what the first annoying woman said, and mention seeing him remove the hand.

Say you’d prefer to find some better new friends in the neighbourhood. Women tend to do the social organizing, and that idea might be just fine with him, as he’s a friendly person.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: As a man with a plan— and a degree in architecture — I was happy making building plans for our new cabin at the lake. Trouble is, my wife thinks she knows everything and tells me to change everything to what she wants at our dream cabin. It’s turning into her dream cabin!

Yesterday evening, in exasperation, I told her to make her own sketch of what she wants in the cabin. She put on the kettle to make coffee and stayed up half the night. Here’s the problem: Her sketching was lousy, but her ideas weren’t half bad. Now what? If I tell her that, she’ll take over — I know her! And she’s not above saying “I told you so!” and grinning like a maniac.

— The Architect, River Heights

Dear Architect: Since it turns out you’re both good cabin planners, divvy up the rooms! You both get your own way in your own spaces. Then you — the architect— draw up the professional plans, respecting your wife’s ideas in her spaces, and your own in your parts.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m the oldest child in my family and I was adopted as a baby — which I have always known. I have great adoptive parents.

I overheard a conversation late at night this week and I found out who my birth mother is. I know her by name now, and I want to meet her.

My parents were talking about her in detail — because they both know her — and they wondered if this was the best time to tell me. They had always told me they didn’t know her identity, but they knew all along! What should I do?

— Wanting to Meet Her Now, western Manitoba

Dear Wanting a Meet Her: Tell your closest parent you overheard the conversation about your birth parent and you know her name — and that you want to meet her.

Then ask directly: “Can you please arrange it?” That alleviates the pressure of the secret, and adds some brand new pressure — but it’s reasonable.

Also, it sounds like your adoptive folks are about ready for it. Still, reassure them of your love for them, as their secret worry is your birth mom will win away some of your love. The happy truth is the capacity to love can grow, and expands amazingly to accept new people close to you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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