Give hubby a real glimpse of your work, colleagues

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This article was published 16/09/2022 (1156 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a new job I love with lots of younger people, and we’re all working back in the office together. I come from a tiny Manitoba town and married my man very young. In my new office job, people are so much fun to look at! I check out what everybody wears.

One girl recently took me under her wing and has given me lunch tours of a few stores, and some fashion tips. I started dressing up for work. However, this has caused a problem at home now. My sweetie asked me last night (very calmly) if I’m interested in “some guy at work.”

I was shocked! I love my husband. Does this mean I have to start dressing like a little brown sparrow again to make him feel better? What is your advice?

— Can’t Go Backwards, Wolseley

Dear Backwards: You don’t need to go back to dressing plainly. Instead, start introducing your husband to a few people from work, like the friendly girl who goes shopping with you. He needs to know your workplace is not a secret place, nor a threat to him. Ask him to drop by for lunch or pick you up after work sometimes, so he can meet a few of your new friends.

You could also start taking him out shopping to men’s clothing stores to get some nice new things, so he feels like he’s in on the getting-stylish project. But most importantly, let him know more often you’ll always love him, and that the relationship with you is secure.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve noticed three people who walk around my neighbourhood, two men and one woman. The woman always walks a couple feet behind the men, while they talk and laugh with one another.

It used to look like a father and son walking ahead, with the mother walking behind. Lately, the mother has been replaced by what looks like a daughter/sister. In other words, the women in this group cannot walk or talk with the men.

Each time I see them I feel angry for the women who seem to be viewed as “second-class citizens” by their own loved ones. Can I say anything to them?

— Judgy Neighbour, Winnipeg

Dear Judgy: You don’t mention if the group members appear to be from a more conservative religious tradition, though it’s certainly a possibility. You won’t accomplish anything good by lecturing these neighbours. Perhaps this is the only safe way for a woman to be out on the street in the society this family comes from.

For all you know, the women enjoy tagging along safely, and are not the least upset about not having to talk with these family guys. Accosting this little group with critical questions, would only embarrass and upset them all.

There is usually a reason for cultural differences, and we’re best to ask around and find out about it, rather than facing off with newcomers or trying to shame them. Smile, and let them be. Welcome them to the neighbourhood.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend always takes me out on both Friday and Saturday night, and then he can’t see me on Sundays and Mondays. I insist on my two days off. He’s noisy and outgoing and “a lot” to be around. I’m the opposite. I’m quiet, and need my regular breaks from him.

Last week a friend phoned me, and reported seeing him holding hands with a girl coming out of a Sunday-night movie. I drove straight to his house and banged on the door. He only opened it a crack. I asked him about the girl at the movie, and he looked scared. He quickly said he’d tell me about it later, and slammed the door in my face!

I told him what he could do with himself through the door. Then he yelled back from inside: “Go to hell!” That’s where I am now — in relationship hell. He’s not even returning my calls.

Tonight I went over to his house at midnight, and there was no car there. I’m sure he’s cheating on me! If I catch him, there will be a third world war.

— Furious Girlfriend, St. James

Dear Furious: News flash! You are not his girlfriend anymore. This boyfriend probably moved on without telling you, some time ago. He even took a new babe out in public to a movie — as you heard from a witness.

Time to face up to your new reality. It’s all over, and that definitely happened when you told him what he could do with himself — common breakup language.

Next time around, look for a different kind of guy — quiet like you, with hobbies that absorb him, so he welcomes the days he isn’t allowed to have an audience with you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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