See the light, get active to fend off winter blues

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This article was published 13/11/2022 (1377 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The cold, dark November weather brings on the blues for me. I don’t want to go on medication, but I generally have a tough November, and spend too much time rolled up in a blanket, feeling sad and depressed.

The thing is, this year I have a new boyfriend! When I mentioned this to him expecting some sympathy, he gave me a long look. At last, he said, “Oh, that’s really not good. I love all the seasons for different reasons.”

That sounded like a warning to me. I really don’t want to lose him, and it also isn’t any fun for me, getting depressed with the lack of light. Do you have any ideas to help me to cope? I want to fight this problem.

— Late Fall Blues, Tuxedo

Dear Fall Blues: You’re right to tackle this on your own. There are many things you can do. First, invest in a SAD light (that stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder) to help chase away the blues with its full-spectrum beams — ranging in price from $40 to several hundred. (You really don’t need a big, expensive one.)

Just place the light on your desk when you’re reading or working, though you shouldn’t be looking directly into the light. Just soak it up, for around half an hour, once or twice a day, and note your mood improving.

At the same time, experts recommend ramping up your exercise with something like an upbeat dance class, like jazz or salsa, and treating your body well by eating lots of healthy foods this fall. Also, you really need to maintain your socializing. Saturday or Sunday afternoons are great for meeting friends and family for walks and coffees. You could also set up some lunches with work friends.

Instead of complaining and enduring the weather, you’ll feel better — and that’ll be good for relationships with friends, family and your new man.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I foolishly broke up with my girlfriend last spring because she was no longer attractive. During three years of university she’d gained a total of more than 60 pounds! That’s not just a little chubby! I gave her false excuses, but her brother told her why I really didn’t want to be with her any longer — the truth.

She phoned me one last time and let me have it. Then within two months she moved to Toronto to start a totally different degree.

She recently showed up back here in Winnipeg for her brother’s wedding. She looked amazing — like the girl she was when we first met! The weight was all gone, and her incredible beauty was showing again.

When I rushed over to greet and congratulate her, I told her she looked “absolutely beautiful.” She said in a flat voice: “Get away from me.”

I really want her back and miss her now! There’s never been another woman who was so compatible with me, at least before she let herself go. Do you think I could get her back?

— Desperate for Her Now, St. Vital

Dear Desperate: Body-shaming a woman who loves you is a sure way to get rid of her for good. Don’t kid yourself that she lost all that weight to get you back! Being human, she may have wanted you to see her in all her slimmed-down glory, and to rub your nose in it.

But, she won’t be running back to you. Why? You hurt and rejected this girlfriend so badly that she left you — to study 2,000 kilometres away.

She’d never feel secure with you watching every calorie she eats. And going through pregnancies with you inspecting her body would be a very scary experience. Face it — you blew it for good.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother has a boyfriend she thinks I don’t know about. I’ve lived with my girlfriend now for a year.

Mom is divorced, and she’s still a creature of habit. She disappears to this guy’s house on Friday nights and stays over until late Saturday afternoon. Then she goes home to prepare for a big family dinner on Sunday. She regularly has me, my brother and his wife and kids over. But never any mention of lover boy to us!

I did some research with my favourite gossipy auntie and found out this guy was Mom’s boyfriend in her 20s. So now that she’s divorced from our father, she’s turned to this old re-run?

He doesn’t have a job anymore, according to my aunt, but he doesn’t need it, because he inherited “property and family money“ when his wealthy parents died.

Should I be worried about what my mom is doing? I don’t trust this guy, but I don’t know why. Just good instincts, I guess.

— Protective Son, Windsor Park

Dear Protective: It’s natural for young men to be protective of their mothers. Just watch your tone when you broach the subject, and try to be open-minded. Don’t start harping on about her seeing someone else now she’s free.

Ask your mom what it’s like to be seeing a friend from her past. If you don’t ask in a nasty voice, she may just tell you. If that goes well, you might even ask her what he was like when he was young, why they broke up and what he’s like now. It’s worth a try — much better than wondering and worrying.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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