You can fit both family and fun in the sun into holidays

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/11/2022 (1414 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife put on some Christmas music and loudly announced, “We’re going to Mexico for the holidays!” She was all set to book a two-week trip during our mutual time off work, and planning to pay for the whole thing as her major gift to me! I was shocked, but I was not happy.

I said: “I wish you’d asked me if I wanted to go to Mexico, because I don’t! My mom is sick, and I want to be here for Christmas. It may be her last one at home, and I was planning to make it special for her!”

I said I was intending to do the major cooking for dinner, planned to invite the whole family over, and had hoped for help with the Christmas baking and decorating. My wife started to cry.

She really wants to get away from her religious family at Christmas. Her parents barely tolerate the fact we’re a lesbian couple. Invitations are few and far between to attend holiday gatherings or church services with her family.

So, what can we do? I am my mom’s only daughter, and her sons (in their 30s) are not very helpful. Our dad is not in the picture. What do you suggest?

—Tearing My Hair Out, Winnipeg

Dear Tearing: Here’s a compromise: With two weeks of holidays available, you could do a very special five or six days of Christmas with mom. A person who’s ill doesn’t likely have the energy for two solid weeks of high-energy visiting and celebration.

Then you could pack your bags and be on a plane with your wife to Mexico for the second week. Arrange with other family members like Mom’s closest siblings (or her sons who need some sisterly organizing) to take care of her that second week and maybe host a new year dinner.

Apologize to your wife for being so short (and righteous!) in refusing her big gift. Thank her for wanting to pay the whole bill for Mexico, but insist on paying your half this year for the shorter trip.

There will be other years to do a big, sunny holiday together. This is just not the right year.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a gorgeous man on an airplane flight when I squeezed past his knees to get to my seat by the window.

Pretty soon I figured out he was writing an old-fashioned letter to someone young (large printing). It was weird to see a guy writing a letter with a marker. I remarked on that, and he said, “It’s for my little daughter.” He said her first name was the name of an animal.

I’m an artist and I volunteered to draw a picture of that animal right beside her name. He said she would love it. We had a lovely time on the flight, and as I sketched, he told me all about his little girl.

But now, I will never see him again!

Is it possible to fall a little bit in love with a person you will never see again? I feel guilty because I know he’s married.

— Dreaming of Him, Winnipeg

Dear Dreaming: These moments in life should be treasured for the little gifts they are. A man who loves his little child can stir up tender feelings in a woman. Don’t feel guilty about that little meeting up in the sky! It hurt no one.

But don’t try to contact him now. Just store the memory away and bring it out when you need something to smile about.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My female boss calls me at home a lot, and my partner is starting to get suspicious. I work at home and my boss and I really do need to talk back and forth on a lot of projects, almost daily.

The thing is, my live-in has just started working at home half-time, and she’s noticing how much time I’m spending on the computer consulting with my superior. It doesn’t worry me, because I’m not guilty of anything — zero flirting and zero interest. What does bug me though, is being questioned and doubted.

But there is a little more. My partner sees my boss as a “10” on the beauty scale. I don’t see it, and couldn’t care less. I’m deeply in love. How do I stop my girlfriend from being jealous of nothing? It hurts me that it hurts her.

— Caring Partner, North Kildonan

Dear Caring: Too much mystery surrounds this boss, so your partner’s imagination is able to run wild. Your partner needs to meet this boss on any excuse, and if she’s not all dressed up at a special event, so much the better. Your good-looking boss is not a secret passion, but your woman needs to see that clearly, and feel it.

Lots of people used to get introduced by their partners to their co-workers at special work dinners and events in the days before COVID.

If there’s no easy way for these two women to meet in person, maybe they can say hello one morning and chat a little, as soon as possible, when you and your boss are on a video call.

It’s likely your partner will walk away from that casual meet-and-greet thinking, “Hmm, not sure why I was worried. She’s not such a big deal.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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