Best to intervene openly on mom’s suspicious ‘shopping’

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This article was published 16/11/2022 (1403 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m worried about my young mother (she had me at 17) who says she’s going on a “big grocery shop’’ every Saturday night at around 8 p.m. and comes home late. She does bring home bags of groceries, but not until midnight.

My dad goes to bed by 9 p.m. as he has to leave for work at 5 a.m. He’s been grumbling that he wonders where Mom goes for so long after shopping on weekends. One Sunday morning, I was cleaning the kitchen and saw her Saturday night grocery bill in the garbage. It said she paid for her stuff at 8:30 p.m. I decided I had to know where else she goes.

It gets dark early now, so last weekend I followed my mother in my boyfriend’s car, wearing his baseball cap with my hair tucked up. After getting the family groceries and throwing them in the trunk, Mom went straight to a little place near our house to gamble — as I suspected she might. I decided to wait a while and maybe catch her on the way out. To my surprise, she quickly came back out, holding some guy’s arm and left in his car.

That was enough for me. I felt sick to my stomach. I went over to my boyfriend’s place and cried my heart out.

But now I’m really mad! Was this guy a boyfriend or just a male buddy? If so, why was she touching him? I don’t want to keep secrets from my dad. Should I maybe tell him what I saw first?

— Daughter in the Middle, Westwood

Dear Daughter: Your dad wants to know the truth, because he’s actually grumbled to you about it. If you tell your mom first, she might offer up a reason — or a “reasonable excuse.” She may also try to swear you to secrecy, in order to not break the family up.

Consider calling a family meeting where you state exactly what you saw, and ask for an explanation. Also ask your parents where the marriage and family is headed. They might be shocked and even agree to get outside help, if their grown child asks.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sister and I had a bad fight and she clocked me! I got a black eye and I scratched her down her face, drawing a little blood. My mother overreacted and grounded us for a month.

My sister and I have since made up, and we’re so over it, but my mother won’t give in. She’s barely talking to us. What is her big problem? It was our fight.

— No Talking to the Warden, North Kildonan

Dear No Talking: Good for Mom! She punished you two for a grievous offence and she isn’t about to let you off. Your only hope? You might be able to bargain down the one-month sentence a tad, by offering to take on some major work projects, such as seasonal housecleaning, shovelling snow for a month or building an outdoor skating rink for the family. Regular housework tasks will not cut it after a violent fight like that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A friend of mine at high school asked me if I’d take his beautiful athletic girlfriend “off his hands.”

He said, “Her parents don’t like me, and I’ve had enough of her. She’s used to getting what she wants. She’s not the kind of girlfriend you can break up with easily, but I’ve seen her cheer for you at games. I know she really likes you.”

Something about this offer really bugged me, so I said no. Since then, he’s broken up with her, and now she’s being really friendly and flirty with me. Do you think he told her I wanted her?

— Feeling Nervous, Winnipeg

Dear Nervous: It could be that he gave you a big recommendation. Or maybe he actually went ahead and told her you really liked her. In that case he’s not a friend; he’s a user. Consider this a serious double warning: Stay away from both of them.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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