Break off COVID coupling with honesty, generosity

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This article was published 25/04/2023 (1200 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I can feel spring coming, by the restlessness in my body. I want to go hunting for love and lust, but I am held back my “COVID partner,” who was never meant to be “the one.” She’s a really nice woman but not my type as a mate for life. She is rule-oriented and does everything by-the-book, including glancing at the clock when she’s ready to climax, and be done with my clumsy moves. Don’t get me wrong, she’s better than decent, but marrying her? That’d be like a sentence in a minimum-security prison for me.

I am grateful. We got each other through three COVID years together without getting sick or going stir crazy, and for that I’m thankful to her. But, last night I mentioned to her we should “start thinking about our future” and she took it the wrong way. “Is this your idea of a proposal?” she asked playfully, and I almost spit out my drink. I made quick excuses, and rushed out of the apartment to the nearest bar.

When I got back a few hours later she was waiting up and wearing her prettiest lingerie. I didn’t know what to do, so I put my hand to my forehead and forced a cough, and told her I was feeling sick and that I’d talk to her when I felt better. I went into the second bedroom and quietly shut the door. Thankfully, she didn’t come in.

We still haven’t talked much, and she seems really sad. I don’t know what to do now, especially after all she’s done for me over the last three years.

— Ungrateful Jerk, West End

Dear Ungrateful: A lot of couples who were dating, but not necessarily for the long haul, took shelter with one another when COVID made looking for love a dangerous pursuit. Now these couples are coming apart, and that means a lot of pain for some people.

You owe this woman her freedom now — even if she says she loves you and wants you to stay. Tell her the whole truth — that the relationship isn’t headed for marriage for you and you need to say goodbye. Do it quickly, as it’ll be like ripping off a bandage for her. She may feel like she was used through those COVID years.

If you can, offer to help her with finances for the first few months, especially if she needs time to find a smaller place. Everything costs more now, including housing and food. That may mean paying a friend or relative to rent you their basement room for a few months. It’s the fair thing to do.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend loves flowers and used to gift his wife with them every time there was an occasion — birthday, anniversary, whatever. He doesn’t do this with me and it makes me feel second-rate. His wife died and I wonder if the flower-gifting thing reminds him of that. She was the love of his life.

On my birthday last week he gave me a beautiful pair of leather gloves and a real silk scarf. I opened them, said thank you, and went in the bathroom to cry. I just couldn’t help it. What, I’m not worth sentimental flowers from him? Please help me through this. Otherwise, he’s a great guy.

— Hurt Feelings, No Roses, Transcona

Dear Hurt: Maybe he was afraid you’d think he just hit speed dial for his old florist, who’d send out flowers like he ordered for his deceased wife. Perhaps he’s trying to start fresh with you and is just being sensitive, not careless. So, thank him for the beautiful gloves and scarf, and tell him not to be afraid to also send you flowers someday, as you love them. He may need “permission” in what feels like an awkward situation.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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