Disturbingly evocative scent a sexual non-starter

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/04/2023 (898 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new girlfriend seemed ready. Then, we were just getting around to the first-time-sex date, and she came to the door in a sexy low-cut outfit. But eww! Something was turning me off, and then I recognized it. She smelled just like my mother!

She was wearing my mom’s favourite perfume and lots of it!

Well, I was freaked out!. She started touching me and I couldn’t stand it. I cut the date short, and went home.

She knew something was wrong. She called me to ask why I ran out on her. I decided to tell her the truth, and said, “You were wearing my mother’s perfume!” She went dead quiet, then she kind of laughed and said, “Tough! That’s my favourite perfume, too. Goodbye, you big baby!”

Wouldn’t it have been worse if I’d been all turned on by my mother’s perfume? Was it wrong to tell this girl how I felt?

— Freaked Out, North Kildonan

Dear Freaked: She ridiculed you because you found her smell disgusting! Try to shake this off. You did what you had to do, and she wanted the truth from you. One of the hazards of wearing a popular, established brand of perfume is you never know who may have worn it preceding you, and what it means to the person smelling it. You’re usually better off to take a chance on a brand-new cologne you like.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young wife and I had a terrible blow-up, and she was yelling and cursing at me. Then she told me to move out, and I laughed. Get out of my own house? I refused.

We slept in separate rooms and I went to work at 6 a.m. as usual, hoping the fight would blow over. I came home from work three hours early, at 5 p.m., to check on her.

She had a truck and two big guys in the house helping her pack up my recliner chair, sofa, giant TV and important electronics, along with all the fancy clothes I’d bought her — thousands of dollars’ worth!

The apes ran off and she pulled out in the expensive car I recently got her, and took off behind her buddies.

Sadly, I found out today she’d been seeing one of these moving guys for years! I feel hurt, angry and taken, big time.

I guess I panicked and went with the first woman who said she wanted me. In some ways I’m still a nerd and a dork, like way back in high school. But this young woman was so pretty and friendly in the beginning, and she acted like she was attracted to me. I didn’t ask any questions!

OK, I may be a fool, but I still want to have a family. I’m upset, but not beaten!

How do I still get what I want in my life? I’m a workaholic who only knows how to make money. I’m not very good-looking, though I do have a decent body now, from using the gym at work. Please don’t tell me I’ll be…

— Alone Forever, St. Boniface

Dear Alone: First, you need to consult a lawyer to deal with your about-to-be ex-wife and her cohorts. Then you need serious counselling around personal relationships and your take on love — other than love for your work!

You are an intelligent and ambitious man, and can win at life, but you need personal help.

At the same time, start to create a social circle where you can meet good people as friends and then you have a better shot at meeting the kind of women you might fall in love with. Don’t rush the process.

It’s not easy, and you’re going to need help with a few things. Try an image transformation — not difficult with the good body you already have. Go for a flattering haircut and get some new wardrobe items you feel great in — including casual, business and formal wear. Hire a clothing consultant to help you — don’t rely on regular clerks.

Then you need to get involved with different groups of good people through community activities, arts and sporting groups, and volunteering. These will all introduce you to passionate, interesting and caring people.

Finally, you need a radically-different style of time management in your life.

Train and promote trusted, hard-working people who are loyal to you and the company. Pay them well, and stop working 12- to 16-hour days yourself, with no time or energy left for a loving relationship or a family.

A new, improved version of you can find success in love, marriage and even family, and also ensure you have enough time for it all.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.