Bond is broken, so divvy up biz and move on

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 09/07/2023 (1176 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Just like Tammy Wynette’s old song says, “our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today.” I’m on a roller coaster of emotions. My husband and I were high school sweethearts, and still co-own a business we built together. Sadly, there were no children.

Our business became our child, our precious creation, and growing it was our passion. I didn’t see the affair coming.

A few years ago, he secretly moved on to a new relationship, with a younger employee of ours. How did I not see this developing until it was much too late? She was always calling my husband for the smallest of reasons and always making herself available to work. The only thing she was working on was my husband.

Do I sound bitter!? Well yes, I am! I still love the old him, not the guy he’s become.

I don’t go into the business to work every day — but sometimes I have to. Then I see her catty little face in the office.

I don’t want to be bought out of the business — though it would mean a lot of money. Still, I don’t know how much more I can take! Please help me decide.

— Broken-hearted, North End

Dear Broken-hearted: Let your husband completely buy you out now. Use some of that money to buy a smaller business — something that really suits you personally.

Then throw all your experience, energy and “need to build” into growing it. That means hiring new business lawyers, advisers and staff who have never been associated with your ex-husband. Once you create that new business, you’ll regain your pride, energy and emotional health.

Then get social! Join several business organizations to meet people and get involved in some charity associations as well. As for your childlessness issue, get personally involved in a kids’ organization that needs volunteer help.

As for meeting single new friends, get yourself involved in sports, arts and social activities and also consider volunteering for organizations you’re passionate about.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Sex is all my wife thinks about, but it’s not about desiring me! What she really wants is someone with more viable “swimmers” than I can provide and another baby right away.

We already have a tiny boy who keeps us up at night — and now she insists she wants a baby girl.

I just want a break, for God’s sake. It took me two years to get her pregnant the first time, and she was so demanding. It felt like work, going to bed every night.

And what if we get another boy? Am I then on the hook for a third child, “and it better be a girl?”

— Exhausted Daddy, Fort Richmond

Dear Exhausted: Biological sex is determined by genetic processes involving chromosomes at the time of fertilization. Other than employing in vitro fertilization (IVF) with genetic testing, there are no methods supported by science for you to influence your baby’s biological sex, despite what old myths may allege.

So, good luck, and consider this, my friend: Once the deed is done and there’s a baby on the way — boy or girl — your services may not be needed often enough.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My son just got back from working in up north and he’s a different person now. He drinks all the time, does drugs and he got into a fight a few weeks ago, and ended up with a split lip.

I feel like he left here as my 19-year-old boy and came back as some man I don’t know. He’s openly disrespectful to me if I offer help or criticism.

Right now he stays in our above-garage sunroom. All he cares about is getting back to work again out of province.

What can I do? Can you even help someone who doesn’t want it?

— Help Me Help My Boy, Transcona

Dear Help: Your son doesn’t want to be back in the nest any more than you want him there. He’s dying to get back to work, and will be out of your place like a shot the minute he gets a call back to work. So, try to tread water and stay out of each other’s hair.

If you hear of any work possibilities, pass on the contact info by leaving a note — no in-person preaching.

There are times in a parent’s life when their mostly-grown kids make them tear their hair out and there’s nothing they can do. Your son is feeling as uncomfortable and helpless as you are. Just try not to lose each other permanently over this situation.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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