Don’t feel any shame over lusty love missives

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/07/2023 (1179 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just received a packet of love letters and poems written by hot little me, to an old lover who died a short while ago. Relatives cleaning out his house found them. I read through the letters, and now I’m feeling embarrassed.

I don’t know why I didn’t consider the possibility of my letters being seen by anyone but him when I sent them. He was not that well, even then, but you just don’t think of death taking a younger man.

I ran into one of his sisters the other day. She smirked and said, ”You’re quite the erotica writer!” I guess nobody ever thought my ex was hot enough to inspire erotic letters and poetry. Meow! That was catty, wasn’t it?

So what should I do with the letters?

— Blushing Poet, St. Vital

Dear Blushing: Those letters are yours to keep now, and if this lover of yours didn’t have a wife when you wrote them for him, you might consider publishing them as a little book. Even the sister who teased you was still giving you a compliment, and it’s quite possible she read every titillating line.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend’s ex sent me a hot tip about him two weeks ago. I already had an inkling about what was happening at his new house with the beautiful pool. So, I drove over to his place in the dark that night, and parked down the block. His house lights were off, but I heard noises and giggling from the back. I know the property’s layout so I went through some bushes by the fence, and listened in. He was in the pool alright — and he had two women for company by the sounds of things — no other male voices.

I called him at his work the next day and told him what he could do with himself. He just said, “Whatever you want, Babe.” He couldn’t have cared less! So, it’s done for me.

But now, his weird ex keeps sending me messages, like she wants to hear my story, with all the gory details. She really wants to get together to chat. That idea turns my stomach! I don’t know what to do about her. Ignoring her messages just doesn’t work; she’s obsessed. Should I call the cops?

— Had Enough! Charleswood

Dear Had Enough: Complaining about an ex-boyfriend with his ex-wife, might be satisfying to some people, but certainly not to you. As for the police, they’re extremely busy, and you probably don’t need them to get rid of this woman.

Sit down and figure out how to effectively block her calls and messages, both by phone and online. If she comes knocking on your door, that’s weird. Don’t answer it, and if she aggressively persists in trying to meet with you, then consider contacting the the police.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend grew his thick, brown hair quite long over the course of the school year, and he’s obsessed with it. He told me last night he’d like me to put blonde sun streaks in it for him.

He calls himself a “musician” and says he wants to get into a band this summer. He says he has to look the part for the band, and for the audience. He’s already too attractive to other women. Why should I help make him look even more sexy?

— Feeling Uneasy, St. James

Dear Uneasy: Turn this around. Ask your hottie boyfriend, “How would you like to help me look for a really hot bikini for the beach this summer? I need to look good for my audience.” He won’t like the comment, but it will certainly get your point across!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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