Time away from belligerent brother a good move

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/09/2023 (1070 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My older brother and I just had another fistfight. We both live at home with our mother. He’s 19 and I’m 18 and he can get violent towards me when he’s been drinking. This time I finally hit him back, and really hard. His eye turned purple and red, so he’s actually staying away from me. I guess I’m the stronger one now.

My mother just looks at him, and starts crying again. He’s her favourite and she asked me last night, “How could you have done that to your brother?” I reminded her of all the times he’s beaten me up. She shrugged and said, “You have a big mouth, that’s why!”

I guess I do. I plan to be a lawyer some day. My brother didn’t even finish high school and he has a lousy job.

My dad says I can live with him and his wife for Grade 12 and college, but that could be lonely. They have a bedroom in the basement with a TV, computer and desk. There are no kids. What do you think?

— Not Wanted at Home, St. James

Dear Not Wanted: Staying where you’re not wanted has become unsafe. Your brother may be looking for an opportunity to get drunk, come home and get you back. It’ll be hard to get to sleep or study for the grades you need to attain your future goals if you’re constantly on the lookout for the next violent fight.

Why not move to your dad’s place and at least give it a try? Think of it as the beginning of the plan for your successful future.

You may find, if you let yourself settle in with your dad and stepmom, that your life is suddenly warmer and happier. So, call up Dad and ask to see him. Discuss a possible move, and let him know what it’d mean in terms of school, transportation and other needs.

Maybe you’ll come up with a plan that sounds good to you both. As well, given the new space and breathing room, your brother might cool off, start missing you and want to see you once in awhile as friends. Just don’t go drinking with that guy!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a woman who dates women, and I’ve moved in with every partner I’ve ever had within three months. The flames burn bright and fast, and I find myself — a competent professional — constantly in the position of having to find a new place to live. I’m sick and tired of this!

In June, I started dating a wonderful woman and we’ve had a great summer, but now she’s asking when we’ll move in together. She owns a house and has dogs, so it doesn’t make sense for her to move into my apartment.

I’m just not willing to give up my own space. I need some stability. But, I know she’ll feel like I have one foot out the door if I keep my place. She’s said as much. Logically it makes sense to split the bills at one place, and I swear I have no intention of breaking up with her. However, I just can’t take the chance I’ll have to go apartment-hunting again in the near future.

— Chicken Heart, Wolseley

Dear Chicken Heart: Since this woman is threatening to punt you due to the fact you won’t give up the security of keeping your own place, she’s the one who’s being unfair. Most new relationships require more time to gel than three summer months fun times.

Unfortunately, you have already jumped the living-together gun several times before with other lovers and suddenly been out of a home. You need a trial period that’s somewhat longer, and a woman with more patience,

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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