Friendship with Tinder mismatch may work, but later

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/09/2023 (1113 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I started dating an intriguing guy I met through Tinder. We only talked for a few months before we finally got together. He was originally a Winnipeg guy, but was staying with family in British Columbia for a few months while on a special course.

When he came back, we went on a date and really hit it off. On the second date, we started to get intimate. Whoa! I instantly knew his sexual style was not for me! He wants a dominant woman and a theatrical one.

I wish he’d told me sooner. Believe me, that stuff’s not in my repertoire. But how do you let down a great guy who hasn’t done anything wrong? I feel terrible because we’d developed a great friendship when he was still in B.C. Do you think the basic friendship is worth saving and developing?

— Tinder Blunder, Charleswood

Dear Tinder Blunder: This man hoped you’d become a lover when you got into the same province together, but now you’ve let him know you’re not a good fit for his sexual preferences that’s definitely not going to happen. He may not want to invest more energy saving a friendship with a woman he’d hoped would be a girlfriend.

Once you both have other partners, a casual friendship might work, but right now this guy might find it a waste of time and energy. Still, why not discuss it with him?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: School is back, and so is my love for a single male teacher in my high school. I pray he secretly cares and lets me know this year. I managed to keep my feelings a secret all last year — only my best girlfriends knew. Then summer passed quickly with my job. But now, my serious Grade 12 project begins — to win this teacher’s love in 10 months.

I’ve managed to get myself into several of his classes, and one after-school activity he supervises. And after next June, I won’t be a high school student anymore!

My question? How do I get him to recognize me this year as a real possibility for a serious relationship next summer? I’m mature for my age and planning to be a research scientist. Please advise.

— Graduating in 10 Months, Winnipeg

Dear Graduating Soon: Nothing says you can’t love this man from afar, but don’t try to put a teacher you care about so much into a terrible position. To be sure, many high school students have had big crushes on special teachers, but to pursue a romantic relationship is simply out of bounds ethically and professionally, even once a former pupil is an adult. A teacher could get into a lot of legal trouble and lose their job for consorting with a student.

As for your behaviour this year, try making a list of the “perfect man’s” characteristics. The human brain loves working on a matching puzzle, so write out the list and see whether any younger guys’ names come to mind.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography