Savour the love bites, but beware of oversharing

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/09/2023 (1093 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a strange habit. I like to bite my boyfriend. Not hard — just love bites when we’re making out! My first boyfriend in high school got me into it. His old girlfriend used to nip him, and it turned him on. I can tell you this, it does add excitement to sex if you’re in a crazy mood!

When I get really wound up and excited like that, I warn my boyfriend what’s about to happen. He can choose to let me do it, or shut me down — usually with something else that’s exciting and different from his end. (He’s nine years older, and a very experienced lover.)

I just want to tell people there’s nothing wrong with a little love bite here and there, and it keeps things exciting for us!

— Definitely a Nipper, Downtown

Dear Nipper: Passionate couples develop different ways of keeping things exciting during a long-term relationship, and this is obviously your crazy “thing” with each other. But, be careful who you tell amongst your friends. It’s not a great idea to let these private turn-ons out of the bag, as some people will look down on the practice, label it a “kink” and gossip about you.

Still, if you two lovers are happy, and you’re not hurting anybody else, then you can keep it as your little secret to enjoy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new girlfriend is considering me seriously as a prospective husband. I’m a shy, quiet guy in my early 40s and live in a nice house on the edge of the city. I must admit I’m angry about what I heard from her last night. She was running off at the mouth, telling me she would have conditions if she married me. So who asked her to get married? Not me.

She said I’d have to give up my indoor animals, because she’s “sensitive to animal dander.” I haven’t seen any evidence of this. I notice she claims to be allergic to a lot of things she doesn’t like, and gives off the attitude of being “sensitive” or “special” because of her allergies.

I finally asked her if she’d ever had any allergy testing, and there was a big silence while she shifted gears. Then she said, “What for? I know what bothers me!”

She insists I shut my pets in the basement when she comes over, but I’ll only put them in my spare bedroom. My dog gets very lonely, snuffles under the door and whimpers. The cat sleeps beside her by the door. Both seem very sad.

When I asked my girlfriend what exactly she couldn’t tolerate about my dog and cat, she said she couldn’t stand their hair getting all over her clothes. I kept asking, “Yes, but what about health symptoms?” Finally, she lost her temper and said she “couldn’t tolerate having to care for house pets,” as in feeding them, brushing them or going for walks whenever they want.

She grew up on a farm, with no inside pets allowed. Is that the real bottom line — that she wants the old farm rules, regarding animals? Or does she just want me to learn to heel and be her well-trained dog? You’re probably thinking I should turf this woman and find somebody else, but I’m shy and not very good at finding women.

— Upset Pet-Lover, Winnipeg outskirts

Dear Upset: What’s worse than being single and lonely? Being married, and even lonelier! When you’re single, you can do something about it. When you’re married, you’re not able to roam, unless you sneak around. You don’t strike me as being that kind of guy.

If you got yourself free from this self-centred woman, you’d have your pets by your side whenever you want. If you stay with her, she’ll no doubt insist you get rid of them, and all you’ll have is her.

Scared to break up and be alone? To meet some new humans — while also enjoying your pets — check out some dog parks or look online or on social media for local groups and activities that include canines. You could also volunteer with local organizations or events that focus on dogs or cats to meet more like-minded people.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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