Don’t assume old flame will burn just the same

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/09/2023 (764 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Whenever September rolls around, with the smell of dry leaves is in the air, I can’t help but remember my last serious girlfriend before I left home. We’d park my little truck on a country road by some woods we knew, and walk into them with a blanket, sandwiches and some cheap wine. We’d spend the whole afternoon talking, looking at the blue sky, playing music — and then making love in the warm sunshine. Those days stopped when we both left Manitoba for educations we couldn’t get here.

After five years away, I’ve moved back — and guess who else moved back to town recently? Plus, I hear she’s single again, and so am I. So here’s my question: Should I call her? And if I do, should I invite her on a “fall picnic” or would that be too heavy for a first date — and something that might get me rejected?

— Anxious to See Her, St. Boniface

Dear Anxious: As the old song goes, you have to “take time to make time.” To optimize your chances for a great first date, go slowly but plant some ideas. Start with an exploration lunch to find out who you both are now, and where you’re at in your lives. There’d be no harm in having that lunch in a park restaurant and then going for a little walk in the afternoon sunshine, but you can’t be toting a make-out blanket and a bottle of wine. If it’s a warm fall day, that walk alone will likely to stir up a few memories and feelings, but don’t try to steer your former sweetheart toward the woods unless she’s tugging at your hand to go in that direction!

Good luck in reconnecting as friends and possibly more. If your old girlfriend is a little cool towards you, don’t despair. She may go home after the date, and see how she feels. If you’re both in luck, you’ll want to see more of each other.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When we take off our footwear, my boyfriend and I are both the same height — five-foot-five. He hates that he’s shorter than most guys and shorter than I am, if I wear heels. So Macho Man pumps weights to look tough, and wears boots with heels, kind of like plain-black cowboy boots. I could not care less how tall or short he is!

I like to wear high heels on special dates, but he doesn’t like that — because then I’m taller! In this day and age, what is his problem? He doesn’t have to dominate or appear to do so through his height, but try to tell that to him! What can we do to get past his stupid hang-up? He’s a really sweet guy and I love this jerk, despite this height thing, which is nonsense.

— Mostly Short of Patience, West End

Dear Short of Patience: What you two need to resolve with a 50-50 deal is who wears the heels in the family, and when. For instance, if you go out on a fancy date, it wouldn’t kill you to wear low “high heels” called “kitten heels” once in awhile. And, if your outfit is super-fancy, and really calls for high heels (some almost demand it), then encourage your guy to wear his high boots under his dress pants.

The point is to understand each other’s needs, and take turns giving in a little. Height is the issue for now, but it’s a temporary one. When you both get older, it won’t matter nearly as much.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography