Shock a sure sign it’s best for you to move on

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/10/2023 (738 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a “bad boy” in the summer and went out with him, in spite of warnings from my parents that he could be trouble. I thought I was falling in love.

He was very sweet to me, and really cared for me. Then he got into trouble with the law. He didn’t have to go to jail, though.

Now my parents won’t let me see him at all, but he’s been calling me and we talk for hours on the phone.

Then a week ago he told me a secret that shocked me. His ex-girlfriend from before me, is eight months pregnant. My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t reply, and he just kept asking if I was still on the phone.

I don’t know what to do now and I’m a mess. I have no words. Please help me.

— Feeling Frozen, Winnipeg

Dear Frozen: Your mind and body are trying to tell you something important — that you really don’t want to be part of this upsetting situation. The frozen feeling denotes shock, and no wonder. You’re worrying he could phone at any moment, and that’s wreaking havoc on your emotions.

Yet, you are still communicating with him by phone. Email would be a better and safer bet. In your email, say to him, “I’m sorry, but I can’t be in touch with you anymore. I’m shocked you’re about to be a father and I feel even more sympathy for your ex-girlfriend and the baby. You need to take care of them, and I’m ending contact with you now. Stop trying to contact me.” Do not sign the email “with love” or add in any cutesy emojis or he won’t take you seriously, and he’ll just keep on trying to get to you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a really embarrassing problem — a third nipple. I dated when I was young, in Grade 6, but pretty much quit by Grade 8 when it became possible for some clothes to come off. My mother knows about it, of course, and I have ways of covering it. (I always wearing an undershirt.)

Now I’m in Grade 9 and my friends are always trying to set me up, but I know what’s hiding under my clothes. I’m thinking of having that nipple removed, but I’d probably have be off school. What should I do?

—Scared, But Need it Gone, St. Boniface

Dear Scared: See your family doctor and ask about having your third nipple removed. Thankfully, it’s most likely a minor operation. The doctor will explain things to you and refer you to a surgeon. Recovery time can be as little as a few days. When the bandage finally comes off, you will start feeling more free, like you have nothing to hide.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I kicked my husband when he started telling an erotic story about us that was way too intimate. We were meeting our first new friends couple and the male partner had just been bragging about some public places where they had done it. His wife was sitting there turning pink, and so was I.

My husband was in full competition mode, and just kept on babbling about us and what we’ve experienced together sexually, so far.

I just hate it that my husband’s new buddy now has mental pictures of me on sexy adventures. I also don’t like the way this new friend eyed me up the whole time. This “two-couples-together” idea of my husband’s has got to stop, right now. What can I do?

— Feeling Exposed, St. Vital

Dear Feeling Exposed: First, refuse to hang out with this new guy and his wife. When backing out of future invitations from other couples, just politely say: “No thank you. For any number of reasons this wouldn’t work, but good luck with your adventures.”

Whatever you do, don’t let your husband share any photos of the two of you on any kind of sexual adventure.

If your husband ends up furious and is adamant about wanting to continue adventures with other couples, it may cause conflict in your relationship that will have to be seriously addressed.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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