Time for cards on the table with gambling ma

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This article was published 11/10/2023 (1111 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My widowed mother is now madly in love with a man who drinks and smokes and gambles like she does.

She met the guy (where else?) in a casino! Now, I’m constantly picturing them side by side, shoving my father’s money into the machines. They’re planning to go to Vegas and get married in a chapel, so heaven help us all!

I’m afraid all our dad’s money is being tapped by this guy she thinks is so much fun. Also, I feel deeply worried about her getting involved with yet another party boy, like my dad was.

What if she loses the money my dad left her? I try to talk sense into her and she says, “Go live your own life!” What can I do? She won’t listen to reason. Please understand, I love my crazy mom so much.

— Want Security for Mom, North Kildonan

Dear Security: Your mom’s advice to you makes sense to her. She’s living it up and having a ball. She may end up with very little extra money in the end, but she’s willing to take that chance.

A lot of people never get the chance to have some fun and a second chance at romance after losing their mate.

Want to have a serious money talk? See your own banker first and find out what you need to suggest to your mom about handling her money, so she has enough over her lifetime. But, be strategic. Figure out a time of the day and week when she’s likely to be home and rested and amenable to talking with you. That would not be the morning after a big night out with her new man.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Things have taken quite a turn and now I’m living at the lake full-time and my husband only comes up on weekends. I work remotely here on my computer and still make the same money. His job is also portable and he could do his job from this location but he refuses!

I love this little town and I’m getting to know people here. In Winnipeg we don’t even know the neighbours on either side of us.

The problem is, my husband gets depressed at the lake after the cottagers go home. I don’t! I know people here now as real friends. I’d like to have one house here, with both my husband and I living here, year-round.

The other day he was leaving to go back to the city at the end of the weekend and he turned and said half-jokingly, “Don’t push me too far with this. I didn’t marry you because you were the only one who wanted me. I married you because you were the best one.”

I laughed, but the threat sunk in later. As I write you I’m slowly packing up to go back to the city for a week, but I’m resenting it. Please advise.

— Loving Lake Life, central Manitoba

Dear Loving: Consider a deal with your husband where you don’t have to pack up the cabin situation or your relationship, and you both go back and forth between the lake and city more comfortably.

That might mean you drive into the city often for a couple weeknights per week, and your husband comes out to the cottage on weekends. That might be enough to keep the relationship warm and happy. It’s certainly worth a try. If it isn’t, experiment with other time-and-location patterns to try to find what works.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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