Impulsive young mate just not on your wavelength

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This article was published 20/01/2024 (986 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a businesswoman, age 28, working from home since COVID. This week I feel like a sitting duck. Last Friday my new, younger girlfriend (she’s 19) phoned me, and read me a poem she had written “about us.” She wanted to come over right away. I said no, because I was busy working from home. But she came over anyway.

Some “helpful” neighbour in my block, let her in the apartment front door and she came up unannounced, and banged on my door. I let her read her soppy poem, and then asked her to leave, so I could work.

She yelled, “you’re heartless!” ripped up the poem in my face, and slammed out the door. Am I? Her words stung, but only after she left.

— Heartless Lover? West End

Dear Heartless: This girlfriend is barely out of high school, and nine years is a big difference between you two. If you’re going to date much younger women, expect them to act young and impulsively, and to be extra-sensitive. And to call her poem “soppy?” Whoa! Where is your kindness?

You could have at least listened to her romantic poem, chatted about it for a few minutes, and then told her you needed to work, or you’d be in trouble with your boss. But you didn’t, and you were plain harsh.

What can you do now? Apologize for being cold and hurting this girl, but don’t try to make up and continue seeing her. She needs someone who is on the same level, and receptive to her young, romantic actions.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: OK, I blew my new-year resolutions in the first week, so now I’m back to stuffing myself with sugary baking. I’m 22 and a great cake baker — everyone says so. They also say I’m “destined to go places!” What places, I don’t know.

My love life is not so sweet. It feels like I’m doomed socially. I’m too heavy to get a date, even though I’m tall and have lots of black curly hair, and a weird sense of humour. Sadly, I also have this big baker’s gut from eating my own baking experiments.

I’ve been told sex is good for keeping off weight, but that’s putting the cart before the horse. I need a girlfriend first, and I’m not going to get one at this rate. Believe me, I tried! But advertising online that I’m a “chunky fun guy who loves to bake” only attracted gay men. I’m only attracted to women — love them, want them, need them! Please help.

— Lonely Baker, Winnipeg

Dear Lonely Baker: You’re probably not going to be able to stop eating delicious cakes, if you’re working with them. The good news? You can still lose your “baker’s belly” if you try.

You’ll need to balance meal and cake calories, with lots of walking activity and weights, to get yourself into shape. So, calculate how many calories you take in per day, with meals and baking, and start building up to walking enough every day to help burn off the excess.

If you walk while listening to your favourite music, or even baking-related podcasts, it could actually be enjoyable for you. You may be able to talk some female buddies into joining you, and they might even help you plot to find a girlfriend!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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