Surprise bedroom move could be real nightmare

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/03/2024 (896 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Last weekend I went to visit my sister in Brandon and my 72-year-old husband moved into the guest bedroom without telling me. He even bought himself some new furniture and had it delivered on the Saturday afternoon I was away. It was obviously all planned ahead.

When I came home and saw he had moved out of our bedroom, I burst into tears. We haven’t had sex for several years, but I loved the closeness and the cuddling, and sleeping spoon-like together as we always did.

I asked him why he did it and he said it was because he wanted some privacy and deeper sleeps. He said he’d been meaning to tell me about my loud snoring, but didn’t have the heart.

I guess he was so excited about his new room that he got careless. He put some stuff in a taped-up box and kicked it under his new bed, but it was sticking out a little. I waited until he was out of the room and pulled off the tape. There were letters and printed emails in it from women in the U.S. and other parts of Canada. When I shoved them in his face, he turned red. They were dated from the last two years.

I feel utterly betrayed and embarrassed. I don’t want to be under the same roof with him. Please help me understand this and figure out what I can do.

— Betrayed Wife, The Maples

Dear Betrayed: By moving his stuff into the spare bedroom — and blaming your snoring for it — your husband may have thought he had found a way to have it all. When you got back from your trip, he likely figured he would have his wife’s love and bedtime cuddles as well as his Internet/phone lovers with some new late-night privacy.

He would be set up in his private room with a lock that would allow him to play around online romantically — and maybe also have phone sex — in privacy. And here’s the bonus for a man of his age: because he and his playmates aren’t physically together, there would be no pressure to perform sexually. He could still pretend to be the lover he was in his past.

So what can you do? Be careful about the people you confide in amongst your family and friends. Instead, see professionals you do not share with your husband, starting with a divorce lawyer, a relationship counsellor and a psychologist.

Don’t worry about rocking the boat with your husband, because it’s already rocking.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Is it a mistake to start seeing my former boyfriend’s younger brother? It’s been a long time since my breakup with his older brother when I was in my early 30s.

I see my ex’s younger brother often now, as we’re in related businesses in the entertainment industry. We are both single and he certainly likes to flirtatiously tease me. I’m short, so as a joke, he props his arms on my shoulders and whispers in my ear. Last time he was bugging me like that, he joked, “You could have been my sister-in-law if you’d played your cards right.”

— Attracted to Better Brother, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Attracted: Years have passed and your ex-boyfriend is probably too busy with his own life to worry much about you seeing his younger brother. Enjoy flirting with this guy, and see where it goes. The worst that could happen is your former boyfriend warns his younger bro against you, which might make you all the more interesting.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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