Dream a little dream without being held to account

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/05/2024 (825 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m writing in response to “Feeling Hurt and Helpless” — the woman whose man still calls out in his dreams to his former love, who deserted him for his friend. (I told her she should inform him she hears what he’s saying, and encourage him to get professional help. —Miss L.)

So when is a dream just a dream? Being a person who talks in their sleep constantly, I feel like having a person hearing snippets of dreams is like having a person overhearing thoughts in my head.

Nobody would want to have someone analyzing their every thought, especially ones they never spoke aloud! Likewise, would you want to share every dream you have?

I’ve been married for over 30 years and I love my husband and children and would never consider changing my partner. Yet, sometimes I have the odd dream about my first love at 16 years old, with whom I would not want to get back together!

— Big Sleep Talker, Winnipeg

Dear Sleep Talker: It’s great your husband doesn’t have issues with your dream content, and maybe he just thinks you’re off dreaming about all kinds of different people, real or imaginary, so no big deal.

As far as someone in the position of “Feeling Hurt and Helpless,” they might want to ask their partner to share a few of their dreams. It’s good to try to be open-minded, knowing it’s all just dream material.

For someone with recurring, troubling dreams about an ex or figure from the past, they really might benefit from someone helping them understand what’s happening with their subconscious mind and how to achieve stress-free sleep. Psychologists can help in this area.

As for a partner listening in, it may be hard not to when you’re sleeping on the next pillow. It’s probably healthy to develop a sense of humour about one another’s romantic and sexual dreams, so they can learn to laugh about them, and maybe even enjoy them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a gay middle-aged woman who needs help around the yard, and I have found a young fellow I might hire to come to help me. However, I recently found out through his social media, that he’s homophobic. He does not know my sexual orientation.

I’ve heard he’s a very good worker, but I’m kind of on the fence as to whether I should hire him. Besides his beliefs, he seems a nice young person. I’m just not sure which way to lean. I don’t really want to announce my orientation to him as it’s really none of his business or anybody else’s in the community.

— Betwixt and Between, southern Manitoba

Dear Betwixt: Even though this yard-work fellow is young, this is a business situation. If you’re comfortable hiring him in light of what you know, let him find out what a nice person you are to work for and leave it at that.

Nobody really has to announce their sexual orientation and have a discussion about it, even if you see this as a teaching opportunity.

He may already know about your sexual preference, and is just ignoring it, because he needs the business. Also, due to the fact you’re a fair bit older, in his immature mind it probably doesn’t even factor in.

If you do hire him, think positively, and be kind and business-like. If this young guy thinks highly of you as an employer, and friends make any comments about your suspected sexual orientation, he may just tell them to shut up.

Sexuality really isn’t an issue anyone in this kind of situation need to discuss. Whichever way you choose to go, hopefully you’ll get some great yard work done for you this summer!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography