Don’t get hung up on age; focus on maturity

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This article was published 25/07/2024 (797 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love older women, but they don’t seem to want me at first glance. I don’t want to be wasting my time with girls only midway to fully becoming a woman.

My first older-woman experience was with a woman in her 30s — a teacher — who was up at the lake staying in a cottage. She was getting over her marriage to a man who didn’t treasure her and had cheated on her.

In return for my devotion, she taught me everything about love and sex, and now she’s moved on to a new man her own age who seems to love her. Why wouldn’t he?

Yes, I’m jealous and I feel spoiled. I don’t want a younger, immature woman.

But my problem is finding these special more mature women who want a younger man. They often mistakenly think I have no money or experience, when I do quite well with my own business and only have myself to spend the proceeds on. I’m also more than happy to treat a woman to some dinner and fun.

Apparently, I also have a bit of a baby face and my sister told me this week I should grow a beard to stop looking like a young guy. Would that actually help? If it would, I’ll do it.

— Mature Mission, North Kildonan

Dear Mature Mission: Stop being so stubborn about solely wanting a woman who is older than you. Try taking off your blinders and taking a good look around. Forget growing a beard, as few people would be fooled. It takes more than facial hair to make most guys look older.

A woman who is 10 or more years older than you may not want to continue with a younger guy past a short relationship for fun. But there are women closer to your own age who had to grow up early, and they are often quite a treasure.

Look for women near your age who are more mature for some reason. Perhaps they had to earn their own way through school or maybe they have experienced challenges growing up.

Maybe it’s a woman who had children early and is working while also bringing them up, responsibly. It could be a woman who already has her own business, just like you.

The bottom line is that sexual know-how is appreciated by both sexes at any age and you have that to offer, as well as a career you’ve developed at a young age.

You are living proof people your age can be as mature and established, so go out and find a woman who is your peer.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read about the situation involving a young woman’s decision to swim nude when first arriving with her boyfriend at his parents’ cabin. The mother produced a suit for her son to hand to his girlfriend before even meeting her.

I believe that any young person who is meeting their mate’s family for the first time is well advised to err on the side of caution rather than indulging in stripping down to swim in the nude. It’s hardly surprising this woman’s boyfriend’s younger brother whistled at her.

Did she really expect she could introduce herself in that fashion and not look as if she wanted the attention?

The boyfriend‘s mother should have been able to expect they would not see the family exposed to an exhibitionist upon their first meeting. While it’s possible the mother could have responded in a more subtle way, her dilemma might have been not wanting to appear to enable any similar behaviour in the future.

The reality is we never get a second chance to make a first impression. I think the boyfriend should feel relieved he found out early what a lack of judgment this girlfriend was prepared to display. When people have shown us who they are, we’d best believe them.

— Lack of Judgment, Winnipeg

Dear Lack of Judgment: The girlfriend didn’t know the younger bro was in the bushes, nor could she see the mother. She may have thought there was nobody around but her boyfriend.

Anybody who dives quickly into a lake nude on a hot day in Manitoba at a private family beach is not much of an exhibitionist. It would take all of 15 seconds, at most. The new girlfriend didn’t know the brother was anywhere nearby.

This does not make her a bad girl who needs to be shamed.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Please tell the shy man who signed off as “Not Dancing With Strange Women,” to contact Westview Dance Club. They’re in St. James and also can be found online. You do not have to change partners there. I danced there for 30 years and only danced with my wife. It’s the best thing we ever did and I wish we still could do it.

— Missing it, North Kildonan

Dear Missing It: Thanks for writing with advice that could make it possible for this man with social anxiety to learn to dance. Now he can possibly experience dance lessons in a group with his wife without having to grapple with the fear of dancing in another woman’s arms, and perhaps treading on her feet.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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