Don’t make beach-body blowup your swan thong

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/07/2024 (763 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend has started wearing a thong at the beach this summer. It looks so wrong and people have been laughing at her behind her back.

She’s in her 30s and still mostly looks great, but she’s put on considerable weight this year — and her large bottom is carrying all of it. That’s one reason she’s not wearing regular bikini bottoms. She’s one size on top, and double that size on the bottom.

A thong strap just goes up the middle, so I guess she may think it solves the problem of being two different sizes. It doesn’t. How can I tell her without getting in trouble that people on the beach are staring and saying things about her backside eating her bathing suit? I see them gawking when she walks down the beach or heads into the water.

I love her and don’t want to lose her no matter what size her behind is.

What can I safely tell her to get her back into a normal bathing suit? My love and my sex life are at stake here.

— Scared to Open Mouth, Whiteshell

Dear Scared: If you do really love your mate — and her bottom, no matter the size, as you say — it’s really not up to you what she wears on the beach as long as she feels good about it.

Don’t quote the mean things you’ve heard people say about your girlfriend’s generous backside in that thong. She may have heard some of the comments already and may not even care what others have to say.

But if the wisecracks from idiots on the beach do make her feel bad, why not underscore to her the fact you love her exactly how she is? Then you could help her pick up your belongings and move a spot away from people who feel the need to say these kinds of things.

In case she does feel exposed having to face these kinds of comments, you could pick up some nice beach towels or cloth wraps for her in case she is made to feel overly self-conscious.

The main thing is this is not about you and you should follow your girlfriend’s lead and support her. If you can’t get over your own discomfort being with her at the beach dressed in a way she’s comfortable with, you may not be a good match for her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend is 18 and went to work at a beach this summer and he’s totally ghosting me without even breaking off our relationship. Suddenly, I couldn’t get him on his phone anymore, no matter how many times I tried.

So I found out how to call his workplace office and left a message for him with the boss lady. She was sympathetic with me, but there was still no call from my boyfriend. So I called her a second time.

She was annoyed with me and told me she wrote down my message, gave it to my guy and asked him to read it to himself in her office.

“And, he did, ” she said coldly before she hung up.

What else can I do? Should I call his parents now?

— Needing a Response, South Winnipeg

Dear Needing: There’s no need to call his parents. This boyfriend did actually give you a breakup message the coward’s way — by leaving town and then ignoring your communication attempts. But he has definitely read that note from you now, as the boss saw him do it.

He knows very well you’re hurting and wanting an answer from him, but that’s not happening, so it’s time to change your feeling of “sad” to “mad.”

Face the fact he’s finished with you and doesn’t have the guts to talk to you. You’ll have to work through this breakup pain in another way.

It can certainly be done. Start talking today with an older person you trust — such as a parent, aunt or older cousin. Their love, experience and counsel might be enough to help you deal with this rejection.

If it isn’t, and you’re still deeply upset, ask your closest parent to help you see a relationship counsellor or a psychologist. They are experienced in talking to people of all different ages who are extremely upset over a breakup. You don’t need this cowardly ex-boyfriend to help you move on.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography